A few weeks ago I was watching The Talk a show that I have grown rather fond of over the summer. One of the topics was Would You Go Braless in Public. Not a topic that I would give to much thought to in general. I have been out and about many times and encountered a woman or two who had no bra. Usually these women were young, childless and not overly endowed. They looked perfectly fine to me.
Then it happened. I was for the first time ever insulted, disgusted dare I say by seeing a woman in her mid 40's going braless. What a horror show that was! Seriously! The vision of the woman will be etched in my mind for many years to come. Normally, I could care less about such trivial things as how people dress in public, but this woman looked like a street walking junkie, and I am pretty sure she was not. I saw her while at the grocery store. Problem number 1 right there. Obviously her nipples were erect due to the cold temperature in the store. To make it even more disturbing, her nipples popped out roughly around the area of her belly button....enough said! What made the whole sight even more frightful was that she was wearing a pair of skin tight, ultra short cut off jean shorts, and a bright pink g-string peaking out for all to see. Even more disturbing she was with a teen aged girl who I can only assume was her daughter. The daughter was dressed just like the mother, right down to no bra and showing g-string.
I can't believe that I am being so silly about such a small thing. Perhaps I am a tad bit jealous that I don't have the stones to go braless in public. Sure, the minute I walk through the door that bra comes off and I free the girls. I never have had an issue with sagging and all....I haven't much in that department, frankly I consider myself lucky. Even if my boobs are still perky, I would not go out in public without a bra. Nobody wants to see my 'headlights'. I am sure that my 7 year old son who was shopping with me at the time, did not want to see that woman's tata's either!
With the holiday season upon us, we are all making the mad dash to retail stores to purchase gifts for out loved ones. I love this time of year, it makes me feel all tingly inside to spoil my kids. I enjoy the rush I get when I know that I found the perfect gift for someone. But one thing I really Do Not Like is when the cashiers at these retail stores always ask you for some form of personal information such as your postal code or email address. Which begs to question...why?
What really bothers me about this process which the retailers claim is for marketing purposes (sure it is) is that the cashier never explains why they are asking for your information. Like brain washed robots they just demand your data and sometimes add please. The only time they explain the reason for asking is when you question them as to why they are asking for your information! I would think that if retailers want this information to compile a customer profile then they should be obligated to say so directly, honestly and explain that to the customer up front.
I used to give my address and number out until my husband one day asked me why I did. I did not have an answer. It did not dawn on me to ask why they wanted to know my information. I just went with the flow, everyone else gave their info so why wouldn't I...there must be a reason for their asking I thought. Whatever the reason, you are not obligated to give them your information. So why does everybody do it?
I no longer give my information out and when asked for it I always ask the person at the register why they want to know my personal information. Often times they seem shocked that I even say no. But when I put them on the spot they fumble for an answer. I have been to a few stores that were so aggressive in trying to gain my data that I was stunned. First they wanted my phone number, then my postal code and lastly my email address. Each time I said no but the cashier was relentless!
This practice by retailers has become one of my biggest pet peeves. Seriously, my skin itches when I think about it. It does not bother me that the stores are trying to build on their business, I just can't stand the mindless, deliberate and unattached way they go about it. They should have signs at the check out the explains the reason for the process and also inform customers that they in no way have to comply. Just a thought!
I found another really good article about this topic here, give it a read and see if you will be sharing your information so easily next time.
There are so many things to love about Italy. The food, shopping, architecture and history make visiting Italy repeatedly all worthwhile. But, and this is a big but, the driving leaves you with a really bad taste in your mouth (a mix of bile and blood from biting your tongue and being frightened).
When we visit Italy we like to rent a car for a few reasons. We do a lot of traveling and enjoy the freedom to do so without having to worry about schedules etc. The moment my husband steps behind the wheel of a car in Italy I see a change come over him. He becomes intense, on edge. He never smiles, never seems to enjoy himself. I am always amazed at the litany of foul words that spew from his otherwise polite mouth.
There is something about driving in Italy that requests that you have some level of insanity to deal with the streets and the folk who drive on them. Of course driving in big cities like Rome, Napoli or Palermo is always worse. The congestion is just mind boggling. Some streets are so narrow that barely two motorcycles can pass each other, but these roads are used by cars. We scraped our car mirrors twice, once in the medieval streets of Ragusa while looking for parking, and once in Napoli while a bus tried to pass us. Cars weave in and out of traffic with little regard for those surrounding them. If you are a pedestrian trying to cross the street, say your prayers and be quick and observant. I can assure you that drivers do not care that you are crossing the road, so you must be vigilant. On many occasions I saw senior citizens trying to cross the street. This one old fellow with a cane broke my heart. He stepped off the curb several times only to be nearly hit by motorcycles and cars who did not even consider slowing let alone stopping to let the old man cross. My husband stopped for this guy and the driver behind us honked furiously! I was surprised. I always thought Italians had great respect for their elders. I guess that when it comes to driving, they respect no one.
Then there are the motorcycle and vespa drivers. They may be the worst. They weave in and out of traffic, pass on the roadside, have little patience and seem to think they are invincible! If you are stopped at a red light, the bikers all swarm like killer bees to get to the front. There will easily be 20 bikes that will jokey for first spot. Speed limits in Italy tend to be a bit higher than they are in Canada, which for a guy like my hubby, he loves. Regularly he will drive 130 – 140 km per hour. Like at home the right lane is intended for slower traffic, the left for faster and those who want to pass. One time, Hubby was driving at 140 km/hr when a motorcycle came right up behind us. He flashed his light, then not even giving us time to react, he passed us on the left...on the shoulder! Within half a minute, the guy was no longer visible. He must have been going about 200km! On the autostrada, everyone drives too fast, they tail gate and honk. When you give some passing driver the evil eye, they just shrug their shoulders as if to say “Meh” and keep on going.
Parking is a whole other can of worms. Parking is really difficult. Spots are few and small. The bigger the city, the harder it is to find parking, but that is not to say that the small towns don’t have parking problems too. When we were in Napoli, we tried to find a spot for a good hour. Thank goodness for GPS locating a parking garage, but even still, with all of those one way streets and aggressive drivers, if you miss your turn, it could take a good 10 minutes just to get back to the spot you originally wanted. There is also a problem with double parking. There are those people who think they are so friggin’ important that it is ok to trap another car by parking on the road right beside the legally parked car! These are the bastards that drive me nuts. They make travelling down already narrow and congested streets a nightmare. Every time we found a parking spot with relative ease, we would be nervous. Italian road signs are often misleading and you are never quite sure if you are parked legally. We did give up a few times and acted like locals and parked illegally. We were never ticketed.
What bothers me most about Italian drivers are the seamless disregard for safety and laws of the road. My father in law, a native Sicilian, insists that there are laws on the road, but I have never once seen a driver pulled over by the police. I did see a police car on the side of the highway, with its “officers” sleeping in the front! As a mother living in Canada, I am thankful for all of the laws we have to keep us safe. Car seats for our kids, seat belts,and children not being allowed to sit in the front seat until they reach a certain age or height and weight requirement. In Italy, I saw nothing like this...at all. As a matter of fact, we even saw some of our family members whipping around town with their very young children in the back with no car seat or seat belt. We saw the car seat sitting in a back room of my husband cousin’s house, not in the car. The number of times that we saw parents driving vespas with a young child standing in the front made me ill. It was not uncommon to see an adult in the front seat of a car with an infant in their lap either. Really, why not just strap the kid to the grill of the car; it is just about as safe!
And finally there are the road signs. Often you will find way too many signs bunched together. If you sit at the intersection to read these signs, surely you will piss off some motorist. My advice, use GPS and listen to it, even if you think it is leading you down the path to hell. You will get to your destination....eventually.
As I write this post, I feel myself becoming anxious. Every time I was in the car I felt anxious. So here is a word to the wise. When in Italy, seriously consider using public transit (if you can figure it out). You will be somewhat safer and have fewer worries!
I remember not that long ago, about 6 1/2 years to be exact, when the weekend came and it used to be mine, all mine. Once you have kids, the weekend becomes all about your family which is also wonderful. It is lovely being able to wake up in the borning, enjoy a leisurely breakfast, then choose what you would like to do for the day. As the kids get older you start to loose some of that freedom that you love about the weekend. The kids are scheduled for soccer, swimming or hockey. You notice that your kids social schedules also start to fill up.
In the last month and a half, my kids have been invited to 8 birthday parties. One weekend we had two! Now this should not be too big of a problem, it is just that I find your whole day revolves around your kid attending his/her friend's party. From the moment they wake until they lay their heads down at night all you hear about is "Bobby's" birthday. Quite frankly, unless the kid is a member of my family, I could not care less about some other kids birthday. But stupid me, I RSVP yes to all the invites lately. To date I have dished out over $160 for inexpensive gifts for kids I do not know.
Why you ask, do I say yes to all these parties. Well, I don't have the heart to look into my beautiful son's eyes and tell him no. Also, since he goes to senior kindergarten and will be starting the first grade in September, I would like to meet some of the kids he plays with and their parents as well. Yes I admit, I am there basically to get the scoop on the parents and decide whether their child is worthy of being my kids friend. If a parent shows up drunk, dressed like a street walker, is rude and cusses at their kids, I put up my red flags and try to encourage my kid to play with the children of parents that I have given the thumbs up. Sometimes it is the other way around, perhaps the kid is just a total terd, there are some out there that are like that. No matter how nice the parent(s) may seem, their kid is just a brat. That is also a child that I do not want mine to play with.
This weekend my daughter is scheduled to attend a birthday party for a little boy in her nursery school. I chose to go to this party because I have gotten to know the Mom and extended family over the last two years that our kids have attended the day care. They are nice people, the boy is as cute as a button and a real joker too! I also like majority of the moms that bring their offspring to the nursery school. This to me looks more like a chance to socialize with the Mums than it does for Gaby to party with one of her many "boyfriends".
But I do have to say, I have now formed an opinion of most of the kids in my son's class as well as my daughters. This will be the last party of the year for my kids. Any more invitations will be given a no. I know this will break their little hearts, but frankly, I would rather spend money on a gift for my kid than for some random child. Besides, that time I waste at the party could be well spent cleaning my house, preparing a meal, shopping, sleeping or spending time with my family. Also the money I spend on a gift could buy a bottle of wine, and Lord knows I always need wine after one of these events!
First off I will just say that I love my life! I have a great life! I am married to a wonderful, loving and attentive man. I have two healthy and beautiful children. I have good health, a lovely home, I don't have many of the concerns that other women face on a daily basis. So don't get me wrong, I'm not here to whine about life, but I am here simply to share something that I have noticed happening in my life....I suspect that it happens to many women out there. Have you lost YOURSELF. Do you really have friends?
I don't mean being lost in the woods, or can't find your car in the mall parking lot. I mean the kind of lost that comes with being a wife, mother, career woman. Before becoming a wife and mother, perhaps you enjoyed a greater sense of "who you are", or maybe you enjoyed traveling down that road to discover you true self. When I was in my early 20's I was not on any sort of "quest" to find out my purpose, my reason in life....but hell, I enjoyed it! I went to college, had a small group of good friends that I would party with. I enjoyed unlimited freedom, my only restraints were lack of money. It was fun...I enjoyed myself.
I met my husband when I was 23. We hit it off immediately. As a matter of fact, we have barely been apart since our first date. Now that to some degree is sickeningly sweet, but on the other hand you might think "Oh man...no time apart. She must be nuts!" I would agree with both sentiments. We quickly became one of those "old married" couples who finish each others sentences, can communicate just by a mere look. Most of the time it is great. But then there are those times when I run into one of the gals on my street. You know, one of those hip moms, who always look well put together, well rested, well dressed (God I hate them sometimes). They may invite me out for a drink, or to go shopping....and sadly the first thing that pops into my mind is "Gee...isn't Lost on the tube tonight. We were going to watch that tonight and eat ice cream..." I now realize that this is utterly ridiculous and all boils down to the reason for this post.
I recently realized that I really don't have any "Girlfriends"! Seriously! Sure I have those gals that I chat to maybe once a month, but that is not a deep friendship. Socially I have become a freakin' hermit! I don't even know how it happened. I found myself in front of my house yesterday playing with the kids when a neighbor from across the street waved hello. I found myself getting nervous, shy almost. This very woman is somebody that I have always liked very much, we used to spend quite a bit of time together back when our kids were infants and I organized a local playgroup. So I bit the bullet and went over to chat with her. At first it felt awkward, even though it should not have. But then we were talking with another neighborhood lady...and I realized that I have cut myself off from so many possible friendships over the years. I sat there listening to these two women you seem to have shared quite a bit of social time together and felt like a social outcast. I have become the wallflower. I have made some stupid choices to watch Jack Bauer save the world rather than foster a healthy, real friendship.
Not only does it hurt to realize that I did this to myself, but I also recognized that I am hurting my kids as well. I look down my little street full of young families. I see most of the neighbor kids outside playing with each other and mine are inside with me. This is not my kids choice, it is mine. I often find myself choosing solitude over companionship and this is not always the right choice. My kids know the other ankle biters on the street only in passing. They are not pals. They don't play together. To make it worse, my kids are the only ones on the street that go to a different school, most of the others go to the same school. So is it not up to me (parents) to get these kids out and socialize them with kids in the hood?
So I have vowed to change this. 2010 will become the year of Building Friendships. I tried this a long time ago when my son was first born and ran a small mom and tot playgroup. There were some regular members whom I really enjoyed seeing. But sadly we all drifted apart when life's obligations caught up with us. Most of those ladies returned to work and I was one of the only stay at home moms. For a while after the original group disbanded I tried to get new members, but just didn't click with too many people. They I tried to arrange moms nights out. This became frustrating because they never worked out the way I planned...eventually I gave up. I think I became a bit cynical about arranging social gatherings and just did not see the point of trying anymore. Now I am back to wishing that I kept trying. If I had stuck it out and continued being the neighborhood social director, I just might not be feeling this way right now! I might actually have a close friend or two. So to start, I joined a women's social club. There! It may be awkward at first, I am sure I will come up with every excuse to not go to events, but dammit I will do it if it kills me!
I need a better Me. One who is socially outgoing, has a few really good friends and one who teaches my kids that while having time to yourself is certainly valuable, social solitude can often lead to severe feelings of loneliness and depression, all things I have experienced. I hope my kids continue to be outgoing, smart and make friends easily. But if I don't set an example this may come harder for them than other kids.
So wish me luck on my new journey. To be honest it scares me a bit. Being close to someone means that you reveal yourself to them. The real you, warts and all....and man do I have alot of warts!
