50 Shades of Shite

After much anticipation I finally indulged in my not so secret passion for 50 Shades of Grey. As most of you know, I am a lover of the book series by E.L. James. I even went so far as to have my own fantasy cast for the movie! I was stunned that Jamie Dornan was cast as the mysteriously kinky Christian Grey. Frankly I just couldn't see it. When the promotional material began to flood the television and internet, Dornan grew on me but Dakota Johnson, not so much.

Being the frugal lady I am, I waited until I could rent the movie on demand. It was actually my viewing pleasure for Mother's Day. My poor husband indulged me and even sat with me to watch the movie. Well, that is $7 and 2 hours I will never get back. I was so disappointed in the cast. Dornan was barely able to pull off an American accent let alone hide his Irish lilt. While I enjoy looking at Jamie Dornan and that toned body, the guy couldn't act his way out of a wet paper bag. Johnson was like a dead fish. Lifeless. Boring. No passion. She stank. Actually, neither actor portrayed great passion for a film that is all about passion. I just didn't feel it. The sex scenes were ok. They had to be tamed for obvious reasons but still they lacked that kink that I came to associate with Christian Grey.

My husband fell asleep within the first 20 minutes of the movie while I struggled to stay awake. What is worse is they ended that joke of a movie on the insinuation that there would be a follow up movie! Seriously, will they put out another piece of shite like that? Just sayin', if you need a fix of Christian Grey...reread the book and skip the movie, what you imagine in your mind would be far more powerful than the drivel they served up on the silver screen.

50....what is that?

I want to share a recent discovery with you all. Those who have been with me for a while know that I developed a taste for (clears throat) smut. Yes, I admit that thanks to E.L. James and her creation of Christian Grey, I jumped on the mom porn books wagon and have read more than I care to admit.

Anyway, in my never ending quest to discover new smutty reads and find a good laugh I came across a Twitter account that had me chuckling at the clever spoof on the sexy novel. Good for a laugh, check out @FiftyShedsOfGrey.

I hope you enjoy them as much as I have. While on Twitter you may also want to check out @FiftyShadesOfGran and me of course @mammagoddess

David Gandy is Dandy and my choice for Christian Grey

I have been a busy girl lately, I am going to hesitantly admit that I succumbed to pressure to read 50 Shades Of Grey. That's right! This self professed anti-romance novel reader has fallen in love with the story of Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele, so much so that after reading the trilogy I longed for another book that was similar to Grey.

That search led me to Bared To You and Reflected In You by Sylvia Day. Again, for the most part I fell in love with the characters, especially Gideon Cross. Once I was done with that spicey bit of Mommy Porn, I found myself reading Gabriel's Inferno and Gabriel's Rapture by Sylvain Raynard. I adored the story of Gabriel and Julia just as much as that of Christian and Ana.

It came as a very very big surprise to me that I would enjoy books like 50 Shades, but I think it was just what this desperate housewife needed to put a pep...uh hum...in her step! Now that I have admitted in a very public forum that I have read Mommy Porn, I am now going to admit something else that is a tad embarrassing, I have also been mentally casting the movie of 50 Shades Of Grey.
From my searches on the web I have seen many suggestions for who should play Christian Grey, and honestly most of the men just don't cut the mustard. When it comes to overall looks and handsome swagger Matt Bomer, would certainly make a good choice and he is a decent actor. Matt's best quality is his eyes, they are captivating. He is very handsome and rocks a suit, but for me he is just a tad too soft.

My perfect Christian Grey would be much more macho looking, but still have an air of sophistication. I am not a fan of Ian Somerhalder, sure he is OK looking but lacks that edge that Christian has.
Ryan Gosling is another that has been suggested for the part, while he could certainly play Christian very well without a doubt, he just does not have the looks. Chaning Tatum....um no, not doing it for me either. Henry Cavill is also a good choice, but I see him more as Gideon Cross.

But, I do love...and I mean love...the kind of love that if he showed up at my door I'd run off into the sunset with him kind of love...Joe Manganiello. He is so sexy, but sadly I don't think he would have the polish or charm to pull the role off, plus he might be just a tad too beef cake for the part.

So while I was searching the web for the best man for the job I encountered David Gandy. For those of you who are not familiar with the name, you may know him as the man in the white pants from the Dolce and Gabbana Light Blue adds....yeah....that guy! I did a little more looking into him and am now obsessed with the British born super model. I have had restless nights thinking about this man! He is the perfect man. He is tall, has a muscular athletic build, piercing blue eyes, perfect lips, and even a little scar near his eye that puts him over the top in sexiness. While Gandy really is not an actor, and I doubt that he would even be able to pull off Christian Grey, I certainly picture his gorgeous face and body when I read 50 Shades...again for the 4th time!

The Dolce and Gabbana add that made David Gandy famous.

David Gandy is the most famous male supermodel....check out those eyes....

David Gandy would look smoking hot as Christian Grey, imagine him misusing the company airplane

Those eyes...those cheek bones....oh and he has a sexy accent too!

What can I say about this.....

If David Gandy can't fill Christians shoes I would nominate him to play Gideon Cross of the Bared To You novel or even better as the sexy professor Gabriel Emerson from Gabriel's Inferno. If he is not interested in those roles he could be my new boyfriend....just a thought....fantasy....what was I saying.....need to take a cold shower now!