50 Shades of Shite

After much anticipation I finally indulged in my not so secret passion for 50 Shades of Grey. As most of you know, I am a lover of the book series by E.L. James. I even went so far as to have my own fantasy cast for the movie! I was stunned that Jamie Dornan was cast as the mysteriously kinky Christian Grey. Frankly I just couldn't see it. When the promotional material began to flood the television and internet, Dornan grew on me but Dakota Johnson, not so much.

Being the frugal lady I am, I waited until I could rent the movie on demand. It was actually my viewing pleasure for Mother's Day. My poor husband indulged me and even sat with me to watch the movie. Well, that is $7 and 2 hours I will never get back. I was so disappointed in the cast. Dornan was barely able to pull off an American accent let alone hide his Irish lilt. While I enjoy looking at Jamie Dornan and that toned body, the guy couldn't act his way out of a wet paper bag. Johnson was like a dead fish. Lifeless. Boring. No passion. She stank. Actually, neither actor portrayed great passion for a film that is all about passion. I just didn't feel it. The sex scenes were ok. They had to be tamed for obvious reasons but still they lacked that kink that I came to associate with Christian Grey.

My husband fell asleep within the first 20 minutes of the movie while I struggled to stay awake. What is worse is they ended that joke of a movie on the insinuation that there would be a follow up movie! Seriously, will they put out another piece of shite like that? Just sayin', if you need a fix of Christian Grey...reread the book and skip the movie, what you imagine in your mind would be far more powerful than the drivel they served up on the silver screen.

I'm on Twatter...I mean Twitter

Just reminding my loyal readers that I am in Twatter...I mean Twitter! Sheesh. I have no idea why I feel compelled to call it Twatter! It just seems right! Must say something about the twats that are twatting. I hope I don't come off as a twat...Oh Balls...I think I just did!

**Deep breath***

Now I have regained focus and would like to invite you to follow me on Twitter as well.

The Mamma Goddess (@mammagoddess) | Twitter

https://twitter.com/mammagoddess

The latest Tweets from The Mamma Goddess (@mammagoddess). Wife, mother, fierce woman. GODDESS!

When S*#%! Hits The Fan

It's been a while. I've been caught up in life and the bumps in the road along the way. Some where small, while others where bottomless pits of angst and....well, you get the idea.

I won't go into all the gory details, but I will say this....the grass always looks greener on the other side because you don't have to mow it. 

Think about that.

Bad Attitude

Well hello readers, it has been a while. I come to you today with a confession, not an apology. I am lazy, and if I recall I may have wrote another blog entry at one point stating the same fact!

I took an unplanned leave from the world of blogging and photography. Why you may ask? Well, because my heart has just not been into it. I am lazy. Seems like way to much work for little to no payoff. I have lost my mojo.

It would be less humiliating to come up with a tonne of excuses and lame reasons for my disappearing act, some of which are completely valid, while others are full of shit. I could post meaningless mindless mumble jumble as I have more frequently than I care to admit. I could re post other peoples work as a way to get content into my blog, but I am even too lazy to do that! I have tried getting this blog mobile so that when I am away from the computer I can share morsels of wisdom, but I didn't bother to do anything with all of those apps that I purchased.

I could tell you a tall tale about how I was abducted by alien pirates and forced into cooking and cleaning for them. While that is not far from the truth, I must let it be known that my family are not aliens nor pirates. Being a full time stay at home Mom kept me very busy for many years, but the kids are getting older now and are in school full time. They don't keep me away from my "work" unless it is March Break or summer vacation.

I would like to tell you that I live in a 20 room mansion that requires all of my time to keep it clean and running smoothly. But lets face it, if I were wealthy enough to live in a mansion, time is not what would keep me away from blogging. If I am that rich, I wouldn't give two craps about sharing anything with the common folk ;)

2011 and so far 2012 have been fantastic. We were blessed to take a few really nice vacations all of which I could brag about here, but then that would just be bragging. Maybe the odd person out there would like to hear about my adventures in Italy or how when we went to Puerto Vallarta over Christmas we went swimming with dolphins. Sure they were great vacations and I have wonderful stories to tell, but I think my family and friends would rather hear about it, not the reader.

Perhaps I could share the fact that I was sucked in by all of the hype over the book 50 Shades of Grey, and much to my surprise I actually enjoyed the series. I know, shocking! I don't like romance novels, give me a good murder mystery any day, but there was just something that captivated me with the books. Do you really want to hear about how I found myself become hot and bothered by those books? No...I didn't think so!

As I sit here writing this, I realize that it does sound like an apology, a lame one at that. But let me assure you it is not. Honestly, I am sure that readers don't care if they ever see anything in this blog again. I don't share content that is going to change lives. I share stories about my life, interests and the things that make me go Hmmmm. That's it. I blog about my views and opinions, right or wrong, I don't care, they are my opinions. I may come off sounding surly in this entry, and that is fine by me, I am surly. I have often been called a bitch even by the people who love me the most.

I hope that getting this off my chest will inspire me to share more of my pissy attitude with you, sooner rather than later. Perhaps next time you check in I will have written 3 posts! Fancy that! So until next time, bugger off!

Why Some People Should Not Be Parents

It is no secret  that parenting is a tough job. I would like to think that many of us who chose to become parents did not go into it blindly and expect it to be a cake walk, to smell like a bed of roses. Quite frankly it is often like walking on egg shells and reeks of shit! But if you are a good parent (not perfect...perfect parents do not exist and don't let anyone tell you otherwise) you know there will be challenges and you opt to make decisions that are in the best interest of your kids. You feed them a healthy diet, you provide them with all the necessities of life. Discipline is difficult but you do it because you know it will help your child to grow and become a responsible adult. You love you kids unconditionally. They are your world, your light, your everything. You would do anything (within reason) for your children. You do not abuse them physically or emotionally. You shower them with attention and affection. These actions and choices make you a good parent. Sure we often catch ourselves making poor parenting choices, but being the good person that  you are, you make sure it doesn't happen again. Your a good parent.

Then you watch the news and stumble through blogs and social media and are astounded that there are a large number of people out there that are just Horrible parents. Period. Too many to mention, too many to dwell on. From the idiot Mom who leaves her sleeping infant in the car seat while she goes shopping for 3 hours in sweltering heat, to the Dad who beats his toddler to the point that he suffers severe brain damage. There are way too many of these horror stories floating around out there. Which brings me to my next examples of poor parenting ( or just plain dumb ass people ). We have all seen photos like this on the internet. But I thought I would share a few with you anyway, just to drive home the point that some people are just crappy parents.

I am sure that the parents who took some of these photos thought it was cute or funny that the kid was playing with a bong or guns. Its all right to smoke a giant doobie while your kid sits on your shoulders...isn't it? It was funny putting the baby in the microwave. NOT! I firmly believe that people need to be licensed to have children.

10 Secrets of Super Happy Couples......Really?

I have a subscription to Women's Health magazine. Every month I like to torture myself with useless information about losing weight, eating healthy and having great sex. Seriously, every single article is the same over every issue, just worded differently! Yet still I read this rag hoping to learn something new. I wait for that light bulb moment when I can say "That I can do!".

The latest issue of Women's Health magazine had an article in it that just rubbed me the wrong way. I could not help but read it and actually laugh out load all while belittling its author. No offense lady, but really....really? The article is 10 Secrets of Super Happy Couples.

Naturally being a married woman I read this article and immediately formed my own opinions. Join me in rehashing this morsel of stupidity and tell me your opinions!

1. Pretend You Just Met - "Whether you've been together for six months or six years, spend some time each day acting as if you just started dating".  My opinion: the dating days were not all that fun.  Why would I want to revisit them? They were filled with uncertainty and neediness and heart break. Sure the very first few months of a new relationship may be wrought with sexual tension and exploration, but that quickly fades then you find you really don't like that guy. If you do stay and decide you like him then that is awesome!  I was much happier and confident in my relationship after time passed. I figured that if he could tolerate me for this long , he must be a keeper. Then I relaxed and could be myself!

2. Limit Chick Flicks - "Romantic comedies can set up unreasonable expectations, which may lead to unnecessary suffering," says Sean Patrick Hatt, Ph.D., a psychologist in Seattle.  My opinion: No shit batman! Seriously who the hell calls  up a guy she just started dating to come over only to subject him to these sappy movies. If you think that you are feeding him ideas about how to be romantic and a good man, you are not. You would be better off showing  him super hero movies! If you are trying to get him in the mood rent porn. Chick flicks are just lame.

3. Be Beauty to His Beast - "Coupling up with an average Joe (with a beer belly) may be the key to long-term love"....My opinion:  Was I just told to find an ugly guy? Most men are average Joe's they just come in different shapes and sizes.  It shouldn't  matter if he looks like Brad Pitt and you look like a junkie street walking whore! If he likes you and you look like him all is good. Don't lower your expectations just because you thing you have a better chance at keeping a guy.

4. Control the Boozing - "Partyers may be more likely to have commitment issues to begin with, and once they couple up their bonds may be unstable."  My opinion:  I can actually agree with this. Back in my dating days I had a few booze fueled relationships that inevitably went nowhere. Looking back I realize that not one occasion went by where booze was not involved with some of these guys. I never had a chance to see the sober guy, maybe he would not have been so much fun, maybe he would not have slept with my friend if we weren't all drunk!

5. Hold a Grudge - "Provided that your partner is able to bounce back from spats, you'll experience greater satisfaction, even if you tend to stay P.O.'d".  My opinion: I just don't get this one. Seems rather conflicting from what most of us have been told about keeping relationships happy. "Never go to bed mad" we've been told. Isn't a grudge  just an extension of anger. So which is it, settle the dispute and let things go or hang on to it and poison the relationship. I guess it all depends on what the spat was about in the first place. If he left the cap off the toothpaste again...get over it. If  he gambled away the money for your mortgage hold a grudge!

6. Tweet Responsibly - "Avid tweeters tend to have shorter relationships".  My opinion: Another point that I  agree with (which came as a big surprise to me as I never agree with this stuff). Nothing pisses me off more that trying to hold a conversation with a person all while they keep glancing at their iPhone or ask me to wait while they quickly Tweet! My blood just boils. Another thing that I commonly see is that women often Tweet about their partner and sometimes they make their man look like total douche bags....just sayin'.

7. Don't Win an Oscar - "A Best Actress winner is 63 percent more likely to have her marriage end before her category mates do".  My opinion: WTF! Are you serious! If a man does not have enough self worth, self respect and self assurance to have a woman who may earn more money and be more successful than he is, then clearly that powerful woman should not be with that loser. This tidbit while at the very end says to "Encourage and celebrate each other's successes, big and small" is completely correct, it also dangerously implies that as a woman you should strive for mediocrity if you want to keep a man!


8. Burn Bras Together - "Women whose male partner is a feminist report better relationship quality". My opinion:  I am a touch old fashioned. I like my man to be a touch boarish. I don't want to be treated like crap, but I don't want him to be a  feminist pussy who's afraid to speak his mind for fear of offending the feminist me. I have no problem with a woman fighting for equality and rites, but when a feminist starts taking it to the extreme like bitching about terms such as "fireman" or "man hole cover" I don't respect them. Even worse is the wimpy guy standing right behind her agreeing with her stupidity. I think it should be a two way street, he should respect you as a woman and you should respect him as a man.
 
9. Nurture you friends Relationship - "Some people may see another's divorce as permission to change their own life,"  My opinion: Stay out of other peoples business. If your best friends marriage is on the rocks be supportive of her, but don't try to mend it! Just turn all of your good intentions onto your own relationship because that is the only one that matters. Often we become so wrapped up in other peoples problems that we neglect our own relationships.

10. Twist the Sheets at Least Once a Week- "Couples who like each other end up in bed more often."  My opinion: Oh how nice would that be. In order for this to happen though I would have to wake at 2 am and jump him. Sure sex is important to keeping a marriage strong and happy. But sometimes our expectations just do not meet the reality that is our life. Many couples find it difficult to make time for nookie when they have kids always buzzing around, work and household obligations to meet.  Often exhaustion trying to meet those needs sets in. Sometimes sacrificing 30 minutes of pleasure for 30  minutes of extra sleep is just way more appealing.

What are your secrets to staying a happy couple?

Braless In Public....Would You?

A few weeks ago I was watching The Talk a show that I have grown rather fond of over the summer. One of the topics was Would You Go Braless in Public. Not a topic that I would give to much thought to in general. I have been out and about many times and encountered a woman or two who had no bra. Usually these women were young, childless and not overly endowed. They looked perfectly fine to me.

Then it happened. I was for the first time ever insulted, disgusted dare I say by seeing a woman in her mid 40's going braless. What a horror show that was! Seriously! The vision of the woman will be etched in my mind for many years to come. Normally, I could care less about such trivial things as how people dress in public, but this woman looked like a street walking junkie, and I am pretty sure she was not. I saw her while at the grocery store. Problem number 1 right there. Obviously her nipples were erect due to the cold temperature in the store. To make it even more disturbing,  her nipples popped out roughly around the area of her belly button....enough said! What made the whole sight even more frightful was that she was wearing a pair of skin tight, ultra short cut off jean shorts, and a bright pink g-string peaking out for all to see. Even more disturbing she was with a teen aged girl who I can only assume was her daughter. The daughter was dressed just like the mother, right down to no bra and showing g-string.

I can't believe that I am being so silly about such a small thing. Perhaps I am a tad bit jealous that I don't have the stones to go braless in public. Sure, the minute I walk through the door that bra comes off and I free the girls. I never have had an issue with sagging and all....I haven't much in that department, frankly I consider myself lucky. Even if my boobs are still perky, I would not go out in public without a bra. Nobody wants to see my 'headlights'. I am sure that my 7 year old son who was shopping with me at the time, did not want to see that woman's tata's either!

Wishing Summer Would End

I wish summer would end! I know what you are thinking, is this woman nuts? Well, yes, yes I am! Having my two cute but tiresome kids at home all to myself all summer is exhausting! Oh and the heat....holy cannoli!

Living here in Canada, where we have long cold winters, all I can do is whine about how freaking cold it is outside and how I long for warm summer days. But my love affair with the summer season comes to a bitter end usually by the time the first heat wave hits! Sadly, this summer has been nothing but a heat wave!

Like much of North America this has been one heck of a hot and humid summer so far. Nearly everyday is 29 or 30 then you factor in the humidity and you are close to 40! Humidity is not my friend! I am one of those gals who had the kind of  hair that looks like I stuck my tongue in a light socket while holding a fork into another socket at the same time. My poor daughter is also cursed with humidity hating hair. Then there is that almost oppressive air that comes with hot humid days, you know the days where a person with pretty good lungs even struggles to breath.

Bitching about the heat, humidity, dying grass and plants aside, I have also run out of ideas for entertaining my kids. I used up just about every activity and excursion in my arsenal. I even went camping and to Myrtle Beach! Two trips I really never wanted to do! If I had my way I would be sitting somewhere in the Amalfi Coast sipping Limoncello and watching attractive Italian men walk by.

As the final weeks of the kids summer vacation are coming to an end, I find that bit of excitement bubbling up inside me again. I no longer feel like a burnt out old hag who has seen way too many years. I feel somewhat rejuvenated! I started back to school shopping! While the cheap money pincher in me wants to save money, the trapped Mom in me wants to get all the things the kids need to go back to school. Never before has a pencil case looked so darned appealing! The smell of crayons is intoxicating, the sad look on my eldest childs face as he realizes that his summer fun is drawing to an end is priceless!!! Cruel, nah, just happy. I am happy to finally get a little bit of myself back when September arrives. Do I want cold weather, hell no! But I surely do not want to live in Hades either. I am a fall girl! I love the autumn. The cooler air, colors of the trees, pumpkins and the harvest...all of it. Bring on Autumn!!!

Excuses From a Lazy Blogger

I am back. Did you miss me? Did you even notice my absence from the blogosphere?  Frankly it has been a while since I last felt like I had anything worth posting! I have been in a rut lately in all of my creative outlets such as photography and writing. I just have not been that "into" it! But like any procrastinator or lazy bum out there I feel the need to come of with excuses for not having updated my blog in a while.
Let me share with you some very lame and careless reasons for not posting new blog entries!


1. Too Busy - I have been so very busy with the family and house that I have had little time for myself let alone writing a blog post. Actual reason - Lazy! I would rather Stumble or visit Facebook and troll about looking at old high school chums status and photos and laughing at them. The Young and The Restless is just more interesting than what I have to say.


2. Poor Timing - Often times when I think about updating my blog it is in the middle of the night. Sometimes I am startled out of my sleep by angry blog readers hunting me down looking for a new entry....(self important much?!). Rather than get out of bed and loose precious hours of slumber I choose to put of writing until the mood strikes again. Sometimes I think about blogging when I am sitting down to eat some ice cream and watch Oprah...really do you think I am going to give up that precious time to blab about how I am gaining weight. Shit...I just realized I may be gaining weight because of the mindless eating and inactivity....damn you Oprah and Pralines & Cream!

3. Research - I am doing research for my blog by reading countless other blogs! What that research is has yet to be determined, but be assured I am reading other blogs... then wishing that my blog was as good as some of the others out there. This then spirals out of control because I get down on myself for having a crappy blog and then I just want to give up. Then I find myself saying "No! You can do it! You ARE the best blogger out there! Keep up the hard work, just focus more and do your research!"...see, vicious cycle.

4.Writers Block - this is just another fancy term for I just have not put any thought into it. You can be the best writer or the worst, but you almost always have ideas to share and opinions to boast. If I took the time and just chose one topic to focus on then I am sure I would have plenty to say. I would likely be able to write several entries on one topic that I feel passionately about....hey maybe I'm on to something here....oh wait, I have to check the television to make sure I am not missing any good cooking shows, oh and I am feeling a bit tired right now, maybe I will just sit and stumble for a while....friggin' laziness!

5. Lack of Focus - out of all of my excuses this one is the most accurate and honest. Since I started my blog I feel as though I have lost my way. I try to think back to why I even started blogging. I have plans to discuss everything from parenthood, food and photography to travel. It is with this large scope that I overwhelmed myself. I realized that I was trying to pay too much attention to everything and as a result absolutely nothing was accomplished!  I need to narrow down..... Hey look! Something shiny!.... See, my focus is terrible!What I was trying to say is that I need to narrow down the niche of my blog.

In all they are pretty lame excuses for something known as Laziness! I really want to promise you that I won't disappear again, but honestly...I know I likely will. Unless this blog some how earns me the big bucks, I can't imagine putting countless minutes a day into it! I am not saying that I won't try, but maybe I need to fine tune my expectations. I should start by narrowing down the type of content I write about. I think I will let go of the dream of sharing photography tips and recipes on this blog ( save those for my other blogs - Cibo and Licini Photography) and just rant about being a woman who happens to be a crazed Mom and wife! Yeah, that's it! Half cracked wife and mother...something I certainly know a great deal about!

Note to Retailers...Mind Your Own Business!

With the holiday season upon us, we are all making the mad dash to retail stores to purchase gifts for out loved ones. I love this time of year, it makes me feel all tingly inside to spoil my kids. I enjoy the rush I get when I know that I found the perfect gift for someone. But one thing I really Do Not Like is when the cashiers at these retail stores always ask you for some form of personal information such as your postal code or email address. Which begs to question...why?

What really bothers me about this process which the retailers claim is for marketing purposes (sure it is) is that the cashier never explains why they are asking for your information. Like brain washed robots they just demand your data and sometimes add please. The only time they explain the reason for asking  is when you question them as to why they are asking for your information! I would think that if retailers want this information to compile a customer profile then they should be obligated to say so directly, honestly and explain that to the customer up front.

I used to give my address and number out until my husband one day asked me why I did. I did not have an answer. It did not dawn on me to ask why they wanted to know my information. I just went with the flow, everyone else gave their info so why wouldn't I...there must be a reason for their asking I thought.  Whatever the reason, you are not obligated to give them your information. So why does everybody do it?

I no longer give my information out and when asked for it I always ask the person at the register why they want to know my personal information. Often times they seem shocked that I even say no. But when I put them on the spot they fumble for an answer. I have been to a few stores that were so aggressive in trying to gain my data that I was stunned. First they wanted my phone number, then my postal code and lastly my email address. Each time I said no but the cashier was relentless!

This practice by retailers has become one of my biggest pet peeves. Seriously, my skin itches when I think about it. It does not bother me that the stores are trying to build on their business, I just can't stand the mindless, deliberate and unattached way they go about it. They should have signs at the check out the explains the reason for the process and also inform customers that they in no way have to comply. Just a thought!

I found another really good article about this topic here, give it a read and see if you will be sharing your information so easily next time.

Clairol Perfect 10 - Product Review

I have not delved into product reviews too much on my blog. Who am I to judge the hard work of the people who put these products out to the public. But then I got to thinking, hey I AM a consumer. It is my hard earned money that keeps these companies afloat! So today I share my first ever product review with you.

Sadly I am one of those women who is going prematurely gray. I started coloring my hair about 10 years ago to cover the odd stray gray. Now it is necessary just to keep myself from looking like an old hag. I am too cheap to go to the salon and pay way too much money for hair color when I can do it at home for a fraction of the price. Maybe once or twice a year, I will treat myself to coloring at the salon. Otherwise it is off to the drug store for me to pick a box of color from which there are way too many to choose from (sometimes too much to choose from is not a good thing). I have literally tried every brand on the market. Over the years I have preferred products made by Garnier and L'Oreal. I am so pleased that the products are becoming more user friendly. They smell less, drip less and now process even faster! I was excited then when I saw Clairol introduce their Perfect 10 permanent hair color!

Clairol Perfect 10 hair color claims to process the color in 10 minutes rather than the usual 20-30 minutes of other traditional products. This sounds great right, especially for a busy Mom or if you realize just before you are heading out for a big night out that the grays are just ways too noticeable. I found myself in just that situation, I had dinner plans with friends and did not want to look like the old hag at the table so I picked up a box of Perfect 10.

Clairol claims that Perfect 10 is "an exclusive advanced color creme formula with micropearls delivers color in less time and with less damage. And it gives you high gloss hair color and flawless gray coverage." The product comes complete with its own PerfectColor Comb for even distribution of the solution. Personally I found the comb useless. It got tangled in my hair and I felt as though I had no control over the way it was spreading.

For me the main reason to color my hair is to cover grays. It is important that a product do a good job of that. Perfect 10 claims that is has "flawless gray coverage" and covers 100%. When I read the directions on the box it said 10 minutes should do to cover the grays but if they are stubborn to leave it on for an extra 5 minutes NO MORE than that! (That scared me a bit....just how harsh is this product?) I left it on for the 10 minutes suggested. While overall the color was nice and rich and glossy, the grays did not cover well. Within 2 weeks of doing my hair my grays are completely visible, I have never experienced this with any other product before.

I am disappointed in this product. I think it was just too good to be true. Sure it is great for the younger gals out there who don't have gray hair. But for those of us who do, this product just did not cut it. I was nervous how the instructions strongly recommend to not leave the product on for more than 10 minutes even though it said you could leave it on for an extra 5 for stubborn grays...well...which is it? Yes or No. I am not convinced that this product is less damaging to the hair. I think the company makes this claim because they are trying to convince you that the shorter processing time will be less damaging. Not so sure about that. In all I would not use this product again. I give it 2 Goddesses out of 5.

10 Reasons to Buy the Shark Steam Pocket Mop (as determined by a 6 year old)

There is nothing more entertaining than watching a young child get excited about something. It can be anything, a new toy, a funny joke or watching their mother slip on a wet floor and fall on her ass. The way they light up when they find something interesting and exciting is priceless. Lately my son Sebastian has been thrilled by a product that he see's on the television.

My eldest has always been an early riser. He usually gets up 30 minutes to an hour before I do. Now that he is 6 years old and has figured out how to work the remote (which is a tale for another entry) he comes downstairs and turns on the television. Over that last month or so he has been watching infomercials. His favorite infomercial is for the Shark Steam Pocket Mop. He watches it nearly every day and the minute I  step into the room he will have given me 10 reasons why I must get the steam pocket mop. So I would like to share with you his reasons for shelling out way too much money for a glorified swiffer sweeper.

10 Reasons to Buy the Shark Steam Pocket Mop (as determined by a 6 year old)

1. You don't need to use smelly stuff that can make you sick.
2. It really cleans and makes stuff less germy.
3. It dries fast so I can walk on the floor instead of waiting forever....sheessh...
4. It has three pads to clean the whole house, really you can keep changing them (great...)
5. It has a carpet glider to make the carpets fresh. It will get rid of the dogs smelly butt.
6. It is not heavy and you don't have to carry a big bowl of water and a stinky mop!
7. I can even use it ( be my guest dear...)
8. It has a really long cord, but be careful that you don't trip on it. Your kinda clumsy.
9. It would make cleaning the house easier and I know you don't like to clean much (gee thanks kid)
10. Mark (the guy selling this contraption) says I have to get it!

If you ask me they all seem like really good reasons to dish out $130 for a steaming sweeper. Sebastian's pitch was so good that I did in fact go out and buy one of these mops! I took him to Canadian Tire with me and let him pick one and pay for it. He promised me that he would help me clean the house if I let him use it. He stuck to his promise, once. I will say though that out of all the drivel that is sold on T.V. today, I do like this one. Not like the Slap Chop and Magic Bullet that my husband was conned into buying....Hey, have you noticed a theme here...the men in my life watch way too much television let alone infomercials. Also I can't help to notice that all the gadgets they want are all really for me to make my life easier (according to their logic). Wow! Do I wish they would invent the machine that would wash dishes, fold laundry and give foot massages easier for the husband!

Before Marriage and Children - I had fun

You often hear how life drastically changes once you have children. I am here to say Damn Skippy it Does!
I have never been the type of person who dwells in the past. Often times the past is best forgotten. Other times I will look through old photos and be reminded of how slim I was, or how much energy I appeared to have.

Recently I was reminded of how carefree and crazy I used to be in my 20's. While speaking to an old friend (who is unmarried and has no kids) she mentioned how much I seemed to have changed. She reminded me how much fun I used to be back in the day of too much booze and not a care in the world.

I have to admit, speaking to this old friend made me feel a bit envious of her. She enjoys the ability to come and go as she pleases. She does not have to worry about scheduling her day around children. Hearing her tales of adventure as a single woman made me long for my youth. And as most mothers do, I compiled a list. Of course this list was not for chores to be done or for the groceries, it was a list of the things I miss about being a single woman with no kids.

1. Late Nights. I would come home from work or my college classes, take a nap, eat greasy pizza and head out again around 11pm only to come home around 4am. These days if I want to stay up past 10pm I need to consume 10 shots of espresso.

2. Freedom. Before I had children I was able to do what ever I wanted when I wanted. I did not have to answer to anybody. If I wanted to take a spur of the moment trip to New York I could. If I wanted to go out with the girls for drinks after work I could. If I wanted to walk around the house butt naked I could. Now I always have to answer to somebody. I always have to think about the needs of my kids and husband before my own selfish fanciful dreams. Freakin' family stole my freedom!

3. Shopping. I remember when shopping used to be fun. Those days of leisurely strolling through the mall trying on endless outfits are long gone. Now I move with military precision through the mall only heading to the shops I know have what I want. I don't try clothes on anymore. I buy them and pray they fit!

4. Illness. As a mother you can't afford to be sick, at least I can't. My household grinds to a halt if I do not function at 100%. If God forbid, I get sick, I need to suck it up and continue about my day as though I am not bleeding from my eyeballs. I miss being able to just lie in bed bitching and moaning and not being bothered by a soul.

5. Bathroom visits. Before kids I would go to the bathroom freely to answer natures call. Now all of the bodily functions seem to shut down the minute I hear the door knob jiggle or the inevitable Mommy being whined on the other side of the door. The bathroom has also become a place to hide from my family. If I need a moment to calm down or rest I head for the loo and lock the door. Of course the solitude only lasts for a few moments before they come calling!

6. Sex. I miss it. I miss being spontaneous with my husband. Nothing worse than planning your sex life around bedtime and wake up time. No more quickies in the morning unless we get up at 4am, which quite frankly is not going to  happen!

7. Dancing.  Oh how I loved to dance. I used to spend 3 nights a week in the clubs just dancing, drinking and flirting with men. Now the only dancing I do is with the vacum cleaner.

8. T.V.  Before the kids came along I used to watch whatever fancied me in the boob tube. Not that I ever bothered much with television before I was married, but with time I became a tube junkie just like Hubby. When the t.v. is on during the day it is usually tuned into some horrible childrens channel like Tree House, Disney or YTV. There are only so many episodes of Dora the Explorer any sane person can handle. How I long for the evenings when the kids are sound asleep so that I can get just one measly hour of vile useless television viewing in!

9. Housekeeping. How I long for the days when I would just leave a trail of clothes through my apartment, let the cat hair on the sofa pile up or leave dishes in the sink overnight. Since becoming a wife and mother I have been forced into cooking, cleaning, doing laundry. It all sucks. Really sucks. Some days I would just love to take a match to the house and make all of it just disappear.

10. Sleep. The best for last. I recall a time when I would go to be when I really wanted and would wake when I really wanted (except for those shitty weekdays when I had to work because some old fart told me I needed to be responsible). I have not slept past 6am in over 6 years. I want to cry for all of those lost hours of sweet sweet slumber.

I am sure that I could go on for pages with this post, but in the interest of keeping my readers interest I will end my sorry dwelling on what was and focus on the ray of light that has become my life. While I may miss those small freedoms, dancing and sleep, I would not trade it for anything in the world. There is nothing more satisfying and rewarding at the end of  the day then when you are told "I love you Mommy" just because. Nothing better than seeing their bright eyed anticipation when I enter a room. I'd give up a lifetime of sleep just to see my children smile.....maybe.

When Laziness Gets In the Way

I have to admit something very personal, it is something I am not proud of, I AM LAZY!
That's right, LAZY!

I often find myself dreaming up wonderful crafts to do with the kids, but often they never come to fruition. Why? Laziness. I don't feel like purchasing the supplies to do the craft. I would rather watch a movie with the kids than have to clean up the mess that would surely be involved in said craft making venture.

Not only does my laziness prevent me from being a good mother, wife and housekeeper, but it also gets in the way of my one true hobby, photography. As a budding photographer I have snapped hundreds, if not thousands of photos over the years. In the beginning I was 'gung ho' to get the photos developed. I filled at least 30 albums. As time passes though I find my interest in developing the images has waned.

The walls of my family room are a dedicated showcase for my photographs. 90% of those photos are of family or special places we have visited. Recently I was going through my deep archives of pictures on the computer and came across quite a few images that have not been printed and that should be on display in my home. I was embarrassed. One picture in particular is loved by so many family members who have seen it on Flickr, but I was too lazy to give them prints. I don't even have a print, not even a small one.

So I have vowed to get off my lazy ass and get multiple prints of this photo printed. I will also spend quite a bit of money to get 500 more photos printed. This sounds excessive, but when your a 'photographer' it is the least you should do!

Adventures in Italy - Driving

There are so many things to love about Italy. The food, shopping, architecture and history make visiting Italy repeatedly all worthwhile. But, and this is a big but, the driving leaves you with a really bad taste in your mouth (a mix of bile and blood from biting your tongue and being frightened).

When we visit Italy we like to rent a car for a few reasons. We do a lot of traveling and enjoy the freedom to do so without having to worry about schedules etc. The moment my husband steps behind the wheel of a car in Italy I see a change come over him. He becomes intense, on edge. He never smiles, never seems to enjoy himself. I am always amazed at the litany of foul words that spew from his otherwise polite mouth.

There is something about driving in Italy that requests that you have some level of insanity to deal with the streets and the folk who drive on them. Of course driving in big cities like Rome, Napoli or Palermo is always worse. The congestion is just mind boggling. Some streets are so narrow that barely two motorcycles can pass each other, but these roads are used by cars. We scraped our car mirrors twice, once in the medieval streets of Ragusa while looking for parking, and once in Napoli while a bus tried to pass us. Cars weave in and out of traffic with little regard for those surrounding them. If you are a pedestrian trying to cross the street, say your prayers and be quick and observant. I can assure you that drivers do not care that you are crossing the road, so you must be vigilant. On many occasions I saw senior citizens trying to cross the street. This one old fellow with a cane broke my heart. He stepped off the curb several times only to be nearly hit by motorcycles and cars who did not even consider slowing let alone stopping to let the old man cross. My husband stopped for this guy and the driver behind us honked furiously! I was surprised. I always thought Italians had great respect for their elders. I guess that when it comes to driving, they respect no one.

Then there are the motorcycle and vespa drivers. They may be the worst. They weave in and out of traffic, pass on the roadside, have little patience and seem to think they are invincible!  If you are stopped at a red light, the bikers all swarm like killer bees to get to the front. There will easily be 20 bikes that will jokey for first spot. Speed limits in Italy tend to be a bit higher than they are in Canada, which for a guy like my hubby, he loves. Regularly he will drive 130 – 140 km per hour. Like at home the right lane is intended for slower traffic, the left for faster and those who want to pass. One time, Hubby was driving at 140 km/hr when a motorcycle came right up behind us. He flashed his light, then not even giving us time to react, he passed us on the left...on the shoulder! Within half a minute, the guy was no longer visible. He must have been going about 200km! On the autostrada, everyone drives too fast, they tail gate and honk. When you give some passing driver the evil eye, they just shrug their shoulders as if to say “Meh” and keep on going.

Parking is a whole other can of worms. Parking is really difficult. Spots are few and small. The bigger the city, the harder it is to find parking, but that is not to say that the small towns don’t have parking problems too. When we were in Napoli, we tried to find a spot for a good hour. Thank goodness for GPS locating a parking garage, but even still, with all of those one way streets and aggressive drivers, if you miss your turn, it could take a good 10 minutes just to get back to the spot you originally wanted.  There is also a problem with double parking. There are those people who think they are so friggin’ important that it is ok to trap another car by parking on the road right beside the legally parked car! These are the bastards that drive me nuts. They make travelling down already narrow and congested streets a nightmare. Every time we found a parking spot with relative ease, we would be nervous. Italian road signs are often misleading and you are never quite sure if you are parked legally. We did give up a few times and acted like locals and parked illegally. We were never ticketed.

What bothers me most about Italian drivers are the seamless disregard for safety and laws of the road. My father in law, a native Sicilian, insists that there are laws on the road, but I have never once seen a driver pulled over by the police. I did see a police car on the side of the highway, with its “officers” sleeping in the front!  As a mother living in Canada, I am thankful for all of the laws we have to keep us safe. Car seats for our kids, seat belts,and children not being allowed to sit in the front seat until they reach a certain age or height and weight requirement. In Italy, I saw nothing like this...at all. As a matter of fact, we even saw some of our family members whipping around town with their very young children in the back with no car seat or seat belt. We saw the car seat sitting in a back room of my husband cousin’s house, not in the car. The number of times that we saw parents driving vespas with a young child standing in the front made me ill. It was not uncommon to see an adult in the front seat of a car with an infant in their lap either. Really, why not just strap the kid to the grill of the car; it is just about as safe!

And finally there are the road signs. Often you will find way too many signs bunched together. If you sit at the intersection to read these signs, surely you will piss off some motorist. My advice, use GPS and listen to it, even if you think it is leading you down the path to hell. You will get to your destination....eventually.

As I write this post, I feel myself becoming anxious. Every time I was in the car I felt anxious. So here is a word to the wise. When in Italy, seriously consider using public transit (if you can figure it out). You will be somewhat safer and have fewer worries!

Adventures in Italy

I must apologize for my not posting for a while. I have been very busy, mostly with a 3 week vacation to Italy.

We left for Italy on May 28th and returned on June 20th. We had a great 3 week visit to a country that I love dearly. I love most everything about Italy. The landscape, architecture, food and the language. For years I have been obsessed with traveling to the country and learning what I can about the culture and enjoying La Dolce Vita.

I looked forward to this trip. Hubby and I had great plans to visit wonderful cities, shop, eat, drink and absorb as much of the Italian lifestyle as we could. The only problem, we have 2 children. Under normal circumstances, having kids is  not a problem at all, it is a joy, but on vacation it challenging (and that is the only polite way that I can put it).

We are fortunate to travel with my husbands parents to Italy and have family to stay with, so our costs stay down. We stayed just over a week on the Amalfi Coast (which I love) and enjoyed our time there (mostly). We visited such great cities as Positano, Naples, Avellino, Cava di Tirreni, Sorrento and Caserta. All great cities with wonderful things to see and an abundance of food to enjoy. We had plans from the offset to venture to most of these places on our own and bring the kids to only a few places. That was mistake number one! We should have NEVER brought the kids on excursions. From the minute they left the comfort of Zia's apartment they whined  non stop, "I want to go home", "I'm hungry", "I'm hot!", " I want to ruin your vacation". For a year I looked forward to visiting Sorrento. I thought it would be a good place to bring the kids. NOT! Even though we brought reinforcements with us, Zia, Nonna and a cousin they adore, they still bitched and moaned until I was in tears. I have no idea what Sorrento looked like. I did not get more that 5 photos from that whole trip....I spent the whole time at war with the kids.

When our time in Salerno (Amalfi Coast) we drove down to Sicily, where my husbands family is from. We were looking forward to the great Sicilian beaches, food, markets and seeing family. The bonus part was that Hubby's uncle let us stay at his daughters Villa as it is unoccupied most of the time because she lives in Milan full time. What a wonderful property. A large house with marble floors, 3 bedrooms, 2 bath, large kitchen, sun room and formal living and dining room. The house also offered great ourdoor living space complete with covered porches and a gated property to keep the kids nice and safe. There were even a few lemon trees, orange and olive trees too! There were an abundance of lizards flitting about to entertain the kids for hours. The place was perfect. Only a five minute drive from the sea, a shopping mall and other family members. It truely could not have been better.

While I say that I then am reminded that we were traveling with the kids, so like clockwork, just a day after settling into our accomodations the kids started to act up again. "I want to go to the beach", "I want Nonna", "I want gelato", "I want to make  your life miserable". We tried our best to keep them entertained by taking them to the beach or going our for gelato, but the moment we would step out into the burning sun (or Sicilian furnace as I call it) my daughter would throw a fit screaming that the sun hurt her, my son would cry that he was melting.

After having just spent the week before fighting with the kids on excursions, we chose to do most of the stuff on our own. We visited Siracusa, Ortigia, Catania, Palermo, Noto,  Ragusa, Enna and some other small towns near where we were staying.  This of course was wonderful. It was like a second honeymoon for the Hubby and myself. We only took the evil minion  to one town for a visit (and as expected they were miserable) and they enjoyed beach days and a day at a water park.

I don't like to bitch and moan. I am a fortunate person to have had the luxury to visit Italy 3 times in the last 5 years. I love the country from where my husbands family immigrated. If I won the lottery I would surely buy a vacation home there if not live there full time (if I could handle the driving, littering and general rudeness of people...but that is for another post). But I do not see myself returning for a long time...not until the kids can be left alone and we could be on our own completely. Here is my word of advice, if you can, vacation WITHOUT your kids when visiting Europe. Leave family vacations for Disney, Florida or a resort in Mexico.

Children's Parties Have Lost Their Appeal

I remember not that long ago, about 6 1/2 years to be exact, when the weekend came and it used to be mine, all mine. Once you have kids, the weekend becomes all about your family which is also wonderful. It is lovely being able to wake up in the borning, enjoy a leisurely breakfast, then choose what you would like to do for the day. As the kids get older you start to loose some of that freedom that you love about the weekend. The kids are scheduled for soccer, swimming or hockey. You notice that your kids social schedules also start to fill up.

In the last month and a half, my kids have been invited to 8 birthday parties. One weekend we had two! Now this should not be too big of a problem, it is just that I find your whole day revolves around your kid attending his/her friend's party. From the moment they wake until they lay their heads down at night all you hear about is "Bobby's" birthday. Quite frankly, unless the kid is a member of my family, I could not care less about some other kids birthday. But stupid me, I RSVP yes to all the invites lately. To date I have dished out over  $160 for inexpensive gifts for kids I do not know.

Why you ask, do I say yes to all these parties. Well, I don't have the heart to look into my beautiful son's eyes and tell him no. Also, since he goes to senior kindergarten and will be starting the first grade in September, I would like to meet some of the kids he plays with and their parents as well. Yes I admit, I am there basically to get the scoop on the parents and decide whether their child is worthy of being my kids friend. If a parent shows up drunk, dressed like a street walker, is rude and cusses at their kids, I put up my red flags and try to encourage my kid to play with the children of parents that I have given the thumbs up. Sometimes it is the other way around, perhaps the kid is just a total terd, there are some out there that are like that. No matter how nice the parent(s) may seem, their kid is just a brat. That is also a child that I do not want mine to play with.

This weekend my daughter is scheduled to attend a birthday party for a little boy in her nursery school. I chose to go to this party because I have gotten to know the Mom and extended family over the last two years that our kids have attended the day care. They are nice people, the boy is as cute as a button and a real joker too! I also like majority of the moms that bring their offspring to the nursery school. This to me looks more like a chance to socialize with the Mums than it does for Gaby to party with one of her many "boyfriends".

But I do have to say, I have now formed an opinion of most of the kids in my son's class as well as my daughters. This will be the last party of the year for my kids. Any more invitations will be given a no. I know this will break their little hearts, but frankly, I would rather spend money on a gift for my kid than for some random child. Besides, that time I waste at the party could be well spent cleaning my house, preparing a meal, shopping, sleeping or spending time with my family. Also the money I spend on a gift could buy a bottle of wine, and Lord knows I always need wine after one of these events!

March Break.....Madness!!!!

Well we are now 2 days into "March Break" and I officially want to dive into a bottle of wine and not come up for air until Sunday!

Like many parents out there, you feel a great deal of pressure to entertain your precious angels during the winter break (aka nervous break) with outings, crafts, movies, dinners out....you try to give them an amazing week of fun and entertainment. Now I am not saying that my adorable offspring are spoiled rotten (except the little one...she IS a bit of a  DIVA), and I try not to give into their every demand. But like most mom's I asked what they would like to do with their time off from school. Of course the answers were typical for their 6 and 3 year old mindset. "Let's go to the zoo Mommy!"...sure a good idea...if  you would walk and not expect me to pull you along in the wagon (essentially dragging a good 80lbs of dead weight). "Let's do some crafts!"....sure...if you didn't get paint everywhere else other than the paper it was intended for. 

Today's activity was an excursion to Reptilia. A small "zoo" housing reptiles and amphibians. The kids really enjoy seeing all of the snakes, lizards, crocs and what not. But the walk through takes only about an hour, and that is if you linger at an exhibit or two! Of course, like most touristy places, the venue has a "gift shop", right at the exit of the "zoo". I normally avoid these shops like the plague, but today, I decided to reward my sweet children for being so good while we walked through the exhibit.  I bought them each a snake (which they later used as weapons in the car). So for 1 hour I dished out $40 to see some snakes and lizards! I also stopped at a small municipal airport so the kids could see the planes. They were fortunate enough to see an Air Ambulance loading a patient and taking off. They were sooo excited. They stood just a few feet away from the chopper and got a real sense of how load and windy it would be. I thought for sure I was going to be a hero, that they would do whatever I asked them to! Yeah, I am one big fool!

Alas it was time to eat. Sebastian asked if we could go to Burger King. Sure...I have been dieting, but I will give in for the love of my kids (not the Whopper). We place our order, sit down to eat and all hell broke loose. The kids started fighting with each other, refused to eat their food, whined and cried about everything. I packed up the food and we left.  Let the buggers starve.

On the way home I had to stop to get some milk and bread. Rather than drag the whining little shits through the grocery store, I opted to pop into one of those super drugstores. The touched everything they could get their hands on. My daughter grabbed an ovulation test kit and yells out "Mommy I want this!". My son tried to play hide and seek and I lost him 3 times (this all in a span of about 5 minutes). By the time I reached the cash with my bag of milk I felt like holding up the chemist for Zanax! We got back in the car, the snakes became weapons again, my son picked his nose until it bled and Gabriella would not stop singing the "ABC's".

Needless to say the minute I arrived  home, I turned on the boob tube, sat them in front of it, poured a glass of wine and tried to hold back my tears. I calmed down, came to the computer to rant here a bit, then realized that I still have 5 more days of this hell!

Someone, please put me out of my misery!

I was Stumbling in my free time this morning when I came across Velina's Blog, with a most hilarious post.
I was close to tears from laughing while reading this, and actually understand just how the person in the letter felt. Give this a good read, especially you women out there. For you men, the letter is very educational!

Supposedly this is an actual email to the company of Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine hygiene products.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from 'the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?
As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer's monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the viole nt urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!
The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'
Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.
For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?
Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep.
Always. . .
Wendi Aarons
Austin , T X

My Beloved Is On The Mend

Since I received my first DSLR camera 3 years ago, a Canon EOS 40D, I have been hooked on photography. The camera is with me whenever I leave the house. I have become one of those crazy stealth shooters, always sneaking up in my loved ones and snapping some dreadful candid shot. The camera has become my third eye if  you will.

I am sad to report that the 40D has decided she needs a break. For the last few months I was having difficulty getting shots. The camera had trouble focusing therefor the shutter would  not release. At first, being a newbie to cameras, I though the sensor needed cleaning. Then I started to second guess what I thought I knew about exposure and what not. I decided to put the camera through as many 'tests' as I could thing of. First I did some indoor shots using all 3 of my lenses, with and without on camera flash and speedlight. I used every single setting on the camera. The shutter would only release 1 out of every 10 attempts. So then I took it out on a nice sunny day and did the same thing. Still I had the same problem. I brought it into a camera shop and had the guy test it and he concluded (as did I) that there was a malfunction in the camera body, not a problem with me or my lenses.

I shipped the camera off to Canon and am crossing my fingers and hoping that the problem can be repaired. Thank God I still have warranty left on the camera, even if it is only a few months remaining!
I can't wait until my beloved 40D and I can be reunited. My shooting finger has got a terrible itch!