David Gandy is Dandy and my choice for Christian Grey

I have been a busy girl lately, I am going to hesitantly admit that I succumbed to pressure to read 50 Shades Of Grey. That's right! This self professed anti-romance novel reader has fallen in love with the story of Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele, so much so that after reading the trilogy I longed for another book that was similar to Grey.

That search led me to Bared To You and Reflected In You by Sylvia Day. Again, for the most part I fell in love with the characters, especially Gideon Cross. Once I was done with that spicey bit of Mommy Porn, I found myself reading Gabriel's Inferno and Gabriel's Rapture by Sylvain Raynard. I adored the story of Gabriel and Julia just as much as that of Christian and Ana.

It came as a very very big surprise to me that I would enjoy books like 50 Shades, but I think it was just what this desperate housewife needed to put a pep...uh hum...in her step! Now that I have admitted in a very public forum that I have read Mommy Porn, I am now going to admit something else that is a tad embarrassing, I have also been mentally casting the movie of 50 Shades Of Grey.
From my searches on the web I have seen many suggestions for who should play Christian Grey, and honestly most of the men just don't cut the mustard. When it comes to overall looks and handsome swagger Matt Bomer, would certainly make a good choice and he is a decent actor. Matt's best quality is his eyes, they are captivating. He is very handsome and rocks a suit, but for me he is just a tad too soft.

My perfect Christian Grey would be much more macho looking, but still have an air of sophistication. I am not a fan of Ian Somerhalder, sure he is OK looking but lacks that edge that Christian has.
Ryan Gosling is another that has been suggested for the part, while he could certainly play Christian very well without a doubt, he just does not have the looks. Chaning Tatum....um no, not doing it for me either. Henry Cavill is also a good choice, but I see him more as Gideon Cross.

But, I do love...and I mean love...the kind of love that if he showed up at my door I'd run off into the sunset with him kind of love...Joe Manganiello. He is so sexy, but sadly I don't think he would have the polish or charm to pull the role off, plus he might be just a tad too beef cake for the part.

So while I was searching the web for the best man for the job I encountered David Gandy. For those of you who are not familiar with the name, you may know him as the man in the white pants from the Dolce and Gabbana Light Blue adds....yeah....that guy! I did a little more looking into him and am now obsessed with the British born super model. I have had restless nights thinking about this man! He is the perfect man. He is tall, has a muscular athletic build, piercing blue eyes, perfect lips, and even a little scar near his eye that puts him over the top in sexiness. While Gandy really is not an actor, and I doubt that he would even be able to pull off Christian Grey, I certainly picture his gorgeous face and body when I read 50 Shades...again for the 4th time!

The Dolce and Gabbana add that made David Gandy famous.

David Gandy is the most famous male supermodel....check out those eyes....

David Gandy would look smoking hot as Christian Grey, imagine him misusing the company airplane

Those eyes...those cheek bones....oh and he has a sexy accent too!

What can I say about this.....

If David Gandy can't fill Christians shoes I would nominate him to play Gideon Cross of the Bared To You novel or even better as the sexy professor Gabriel Emerson from Gabriel's Inferno. If he is not interested in those roles he could be my new boyfriend....just a thought....fantasy....what was I saying.....need to take a cold shower now!

10 Secrets of Super Happy Couples......Really?

I have a subscription to Women's Health magazine. Every month I like to torture myself with useless information about losing weight, eating healthy and having great sex. Seriously, every single article is the same over every issue, just worded differently! Yet still I read this rag hoping to learn something new. I wait for that light bulb moment when I can say "That I can do!".

The latest issue of Women's Health magazine had an article in it that just rubbed me the wrong way. I could not help but read it and actually laugh out load all while belittling its author. No offense lady, but really....really? The article is 10 Secrets of Super Happy Couples.

Naturally being a married woman I read this article and immediately formed my own opinions. Join me in rehashing this morsel of stupidity and tell me your opinions!

1. Pretend You Just Met - "Whether you've been together for six months or six years, spend some time each day acting as if you just started dating".  My opinion: the dating days were not all that fun.  Why would I want to revisit them? They were filled with uncertainty and neediness and heart break. Sure the very first few months of a new relationship may be wrought with sexual tension and exploration, but that quickly fades then you find you really don't like that guy. If you do stay and decide you like him then that is awesome!  I was much happier and confident in my relationship after time passed. I figured that if he could tolerate me for this long , he must be a keeper. Then I relaxed and could be myself!

2. Limit Chick Flicks - "Romantic comedies can set up unreasonable expectations, which may lead to unnecessary suffering," says Sean Patrick Hatt, Ph.D., a psychologist in Seattle.  My opinion: No shit batman! Seriously who the hell calls  up a guy she just started dating to come over only to subject him to these sappy movies. If you think that you are feeding him ideas about how to be romantic and a good man, you are not. You would be better off showing  him super hero movies! If you are trying to get him in the mood rent porn. Chick flicks are just lame.

3. Be Beauty to His Beast - "Coupling up with an average Joe (with a beer belly) may be the key to long-term love"....My opinion:  Was I just told to find an ugly guy? Most men are average Joe's they just come in different shapes and sizes.  It shouldn't  matter if he looks like Brad Pitt and you look like a junkie street walking whore! If he likes you and you look like him all is good. Don't lower your expectations just because you thing you have a better chance at keeping a guy.

4. Control the Boozing - "Partyers may be more likely to have commitment issues to begin with, and once they couple up their bonds may be unstable."  My opinion:  I can actually agree with this. Back in my dating days I had a few booze fueled relationships that inevitably went nowhere. Looking back I realize that not one occasion went by where booze was not involved with some of these guys. I never had a chance to see the sober guy, maybe he would not have been so much fun, maybe he would not have slept with my friend if we weren't all drunk!

5. Hold a Grudge - "Provided that your partner is able to bounce back from spats, you'll experience greater satisfaction, even if you tend to stay P.O.'d".  My opinion: I just don't get this one. Seems rather conflicting from what most of us have been told about keeping relationships happy. "Never go to bed mad" we've been told. Isn't a grudge  just an extension of anger. So which is it, settle the dispute and let things go or hang on to it and poison the relationship. I guess it all depends on what the spat was about in the first place. If he left the cap off the toothpaste again...get over it. If  he gambled away the money for your mortgage hold a grudge!

6. Tweet Responsibly - "Avid tweeters tend to have shorter relationships".  My opinion: Another point that I  agree with (which came as a big surprise to me as I never agree with this stuff). Nothing pisses me off more that trying to hold a conversation with a person all while they keep glancing at their iPhone or ask me to wait while they quickly Tweet! My blood just boils. Another thing that I commonly see is that women often Tweet about their partner and sometimes they make their man look like total douche bags....just sayin'.

7. Don't Win an Oscar - "A Best Actress winner is 63 percent more likely to have her marriage end before her category mates do".  My opinion: WTF! Are you serious! If a man does not have enough self worth, self respect and self assurance to have a woman who may earn more money and be more successful than he is, then clearly that powerful woman should not be with that loser. This tidbit while at the very end says to "Encourage and celebrate each other's successes, big and small" is completely correct, it also dangerously implies that as a woman you should strive for mediocrity if you want to keep a man!


8. Burn Bras Together - "Women whose male partner is a feminist report better relationship quality". My opinion:  I am a touch old fashioned. I like my man to be a touch boarish. I don't want to be treated like crap, but I don't want him to be a  feminist pussy who's afraid to speak his mind for fear of offending the feminist me. I have no problem with a woman fighting for equality and rites, but when a feminist starts taking it to the extreme like bitching about terms such as "fireman" or "man hole cover" I don't respect them. Even worse is the wimpy guy standing right behind her agreeing with her stupidity. I think it should be a two way street, he should respect you as a woman and you should respect him as a man.
 
9. Nurture you friends Relationship - "Some people may see another's divorce as permission to change their own life,"  My opinion: Stay out of other peoples business. If your best friends marriage is on the rocks be supportive of her, but don't try to mend it! Just turn all of your good intentions onto your own relationship because that is the only one that matters. Often we become so wrapped up in other peoples problems that we neglect our own relationships.

10. Twist the Sheets at Least Once a Week- "Couples who like each other end up in bed more often."  My opinion: Oh how nice would that be. In order for this to happen though I would have to wake at 2 am and jump him. Sure sex is important to keeping a marriage strong and happy. But sometimes our expectations just do not meet the reality that is our life. Many couples find it difficult to make time for nookie when they have kids always buzzing around, work and household obligations to meet.  Often exhaustion trying to meet those needs sets in. Sometimes sacrificing 30 minutes of pleasure for 30  minutes of extra sleep is just way more appealing.

What are your secrets to staying a happy couple?

10 Reasons to Buy the Shark Steam Pocket Mop (as determined by a 6 year old)

There is nothing more entertaining than watching a young child get excited about something. It can be anything, a new toy, a funny joke or watching their mother slip on a wet floor and fall on her ass. The way they light up when they find something interesting and exciting is priceless. Lately my son Sebastian has been thrilled by a product that he see's on the television.

My eldest has always been an early riser. He usually gets up 30 minutes to an hour before I do. Now that he is 6 years old and has figured out how to work the remote (which is a tale for another entry) he comes downstairs and turns on the television. Over that last month or so he has been watching infomercials. His favorite infomercial is for the Shark Steam Pocket Mop. He watches it nearly every day and the minute I  step into the room he will have given me 10 reasons why I must get the steam pocket mop. So I would like to share with you his reasons for shelling out way too much money for a glorified swiffer sweeper.

10 Reasons to Buy the Shark Steam Pocket Mop (as determined by a 6 year old)

1. You don't need to use smelly stuff that can make you sick.
2. It really cleans and makes stuff less germy.
3. It dries fast so I can walk on the floor instead of waiting forever....sheessh...
4. It has three pads to clean the whole house, really you can keep changing them (great...)
5. It has a carpet glider to make the carpets fresh. It will get rid of the dogs smelly butt.
6. It is not heavy and you don't have to carry a big bowl of water and a stinky mop!
7. I can even use it ( be my guest dear...)
8. It has a really long cord, but be careful that you don't trip on it. Your kinda clumsy.
9. It would make cleaning the house easier and I know you don't like to clean much (gee thanks kid)
10. Mark (the guy selling this contraption) says I have to get it!

If you ask me they all seem like really good reasons to dish out $130 for a steaming sweeper. Sebastian's pitch was so good that I did in fact go out and buy one of these mops! I took him to Canadian Tire with me and let him pick one and pay for it. He promised me that he would help me clean the house if I let him use it. He stuck to his promise, once. I will say though that out of all the drivel that is sold on T.V. today, I do like this one. Not like the Slap Chop and Magic Bullet that my husband was conned into buying....Hey, have you noticed a theme here...the men in my life watch way too much television let alone infomercials. Also I can't help to notice that all the gadgets they want are all really for me to make my life easier (according to their logic). Wow! Do I wish they would invent the machine that would wash dishes, fold laundry and give foot massages easier for the husband!

10 Reasons to Call Off The Wedding

The Hubby and I were invited to a wedding that was to take place at the end of August. Today we received word that the wedding had been canceled. Everyone was shocked at first, but then the rumor mill started churning and shared their theories as to why the bride bumped the groom. "He slept with her sister", "She screwed the best man" or "He beat her". All very good reasons to call off the wedding.

The cancellation of what should have been this couples happiest day in their life turned into a bit of a circus. I must admit, that I too 'wondered' what went wrong. I then spent a little too much time thinking of reasons why I would have canceled my wedding. I had never really thought about it before, I never  had reason to. I guess if I decided to marry a different man that I may have found myself in a similar situation.

So another woman's pain resulted in this list that I compiled of reasons why I would cancel my wedding.

1. He starts wearing your fancy dresses and refers to  himself as Beth. At that point you should seriously consider whether your man wants to be your man.

2. Your man has more intimate time with himself than he does you. This is a good warning sign that your sex life may not be acceptable....or he is into himself way to much.

3. He spends way too much time playing fantasy games on the net. Seriously, if he thinks he is a dragon slayer, move away from  him!

4. Temper! Temper! If you find that your potential spouse has an explosive temper be cautious. Does he act out violently? Does he do crazy things when he is angry like driving recklessly and showing obvious signs of road rage? Does he rant and rave when his favorite team loses the game? Well, that guy needs to see a professional and learn to control his anger....you are not that professional, walk away.

5. Kills your self esteem. If you find that your man constantly puts you down from everything to  how you dress to the way you cook, you may want to put up your radar. Guys who feel the need to knock you down a notch or two very rarely will treat you with respect. You need to take control and put him in his place the first time he does this, if he does not like being told off then remember he is likely embarrassed of his manhood and you just don't need that bullshit.

6. Paranoia. Does he call you constantly throughout the day? Does he always question who you are with? Does he believe that the government is watching his every move? This is the kind of guy who will notice the type of mud on  your car and grill you about why you were in a location where mud like that could have got on your car. He will follow you, check your email and voicemail.  If your mates jealously and lack of trust are causing problems before you say I Do, then you need to evaluate whether losing your freedom and yourself are worth it.

7. He is a Mama's Boy. You know the guy, the one that needs to visit his Mommy daily. She still cooks for him and even does his laundry if you won't do it. This is also a double whammy because this guy will likely have a controlling mother and she likes that he still relies on her. Remember when you get married  you marry your spouses family as well. If this guy spends way too much time focusing on what his mommy wants and she calls your house daily to remind you of his favorite foods, I suggest you proceed with caution.

8. Cheater! If he has cheated on you once, it is very highly likely that he will do it again. If you forgave him for a past trist he will think that you are somewhat accepting and cool and try to repeat the bad behavior again. If the bugger screws another woman before you marry that should be your cue to walk away and not look back.

9. The very sight of him makes you ill! If the man that you once found so desirable, the man that made your heart beat faster, the guy who's smile you could not live without seeing daily starts to turn your stomach the minute he walks through the door, then you've got a problem!

10. He is unstable both emotionally and financially. Often these two issues go hand in hand. With some hard work and maybe a bit of luck, he can turn his financial instability around. But if he is just a lazy bastard who does not want to work and would rather sponge off of you then you have a problem. If he displays signs of being emotionally unstable such as being verbally or physically abusive walk away. Perhaps his problems are a little less severe, such as having a two way conversation with himself several times a day, he dresses his dog in a tuttu or thinks getting a tattoo on his face just like Mike Tyson, then he is a nut job. Cut your losses and save your sanity and bank account.

Marriage is a deep and binding contract that two people should not enter into lightly. You must both be ready to share every aspect of your lives together. Being married means loving your mate even if they are a bit odd. Trusting that his side glances at the blonde waitress will never amount to anything. Knowing that he will always put you first, respect you, understand you and be your best friend.

Man vs Woman - Battle of the Sexes

I was Stumbling over the weekend while sipping my morning cup of coffee when I came across this article in Cosmopolitan about 21 Things Women Do Better Than Men. Good grief, as a woman I know I am better than a man!
Anyway, the whole thing was sparked by an article in AskMen about 10 Things Only Men Can Do. This whole good natured ribbing has inspired me to ponder the differences between men and women. I haven't too much time to dwell on it as I have children to care for,  mouths to feed, floors to wash, laundry to fold...well you get the picture, but here is my list.

10 Things I know I Do Better Than Men (yes you hubby)

• 1. Express our feelings. We are not afraid to cry, scream, stomp our feet if we want to be heard. As a woman I pride myself for being able to express my feelings (even if I seem childish or stark raving mad)
• 2. I can wear makeup and not look like a cross dresser. I can do up my hair, don my fanciest dress, wear high heals and perfume...and not offend anybody (unless my idea of dressing up resembles that of a street walkers attire)
• 3. Bodily fluids. That should need not much explanation, but here goes. As a woman and a mother, I can wade knee deep in puke, shit, snot, blood, rotting food, garbage pails all for the sake of my family. My husband gets sick if he has to change a poopy diaper, smells vomit and nearly faints at the sight of blood. We have a thick skin and high tolerance when it comes to bodily fluids and gross stuff.
• 4. I can go to the grocery store and buy what is on the list. Nothing less, nothing more. My husband will miss half of the crucial items and come home with chips, pop and an endless array of unwanted garbage.
• 5. Women can drink fruity drinks decorated with umbrellas and fruit without seeming less womanly. If a man orders a drink like that you can bet that the other chaps in the bar are laughing at him and speculating his sexuality.
• 6. PMS. While it is no picnic for the woman (or those closest to her), we can use our raging hormones as an excuse for bad behavior! If a man acts out by way of temper tantrums, crying and binge eating, people worry or think he is a big asshole!
• 7. Clean the house. When a woman cleans the home, she dusts everything, moves furniture, uses harsh chemicals, changes bed linens...the list goes on and on for day (maybe that is why I hate housework). When a man cleans house (yes hubby that is you) he puts away his socks, uses the clean tea towel for drying dishes to wipe down a greasy filthy counter, uses a dirty toilet brush on a dirty toilet without cleaning solution...eeewwww.
• 8. Bathe the children. My husband, rarely bathes the kids. But when he does, hair goes unwashed and my daughters privates are never looked at. There could be mushrooms growing down there and he wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole.
• 9. Multitask. While my husband does have a job that requires him to multitask, the minute he gets home his ability to do so disappears along with his ability to get himself a drink of water. As a mom I can have several things going on at the same time. I can have 3 meals cooking (I often do this...but that is a topic for another blog entry), talk on the phone with my mother, have laundry going, sweep the kitchen floor and check emails. 
• 10. Illness. When a woman is sick she has to buck up and deal with it, especially us mom's. If a mother is ill she still has to care for her family, as difficult as it may be. She will drag her but out of bed, aches, coughing, weezing, boogers and all, just to make sure that her son  has his snack for school and a spare change of clothes in case the get wet at recess. My husband would give the kid a stick of gum and wish him a great day. A Canadian study showed that women possess a sex hormone called estrogen that gives female immune systems an added edge when it comes to resisting infections. When a man gets sick, he acts and believes that he is on death's doorstep. The simple task of wiping ones own nose becomes as difficult as climbing Mt.Everest! This is likely the only time a woman will see a man cry.

What can you think of that woman can do better than men?

Great Quotes by Great Women

If you are like me, you often find yourself arguing with your husband, father, brother or son....usually some man who thinks is convinced he knows everything! Men say that we women are terrible to argue with but we know better, don't we girls?! Anyway, on those occasions when I just can't think of anything good as a comeback, or 'gasp' I am losing the argument, I often wish I could come up with some really good quotes to prove my point that men are 'meehhh' and women are superior! So from here now on every Monday at the Mamma Goddess is Man Bashing Monday!! 


I did some searching and found these quotes by famous women.

You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. -- Erica Jong 


My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. -- Rita Rudner

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde. -- Dolly Parton

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. -- Wendy Liebman

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth to. -- Erma Bombeck

If high heels were so wonderful, men would be wearing them. -- Sue Grafton

I would love to speak a foreign language, but I can't. So I grew hair under my arms instead. -- Sue Kolinsky

I think -- therefore I'm single. -- Lizz Winstead

"When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country." -- Elayne Boosler

"I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch." -- Gilda Radner

"Behind every successful man is a surprised woman." -- Maryon Pearson

"Our struggle today is not to have a female Einstein get appointed as an assistant professor. It is for a woman schlemiel to get as quickly promoted as a male schlemiel." --- Bella Abzug

"In politics, If you want anything said, ask a man; If you want anything done, ask a woman." -- Margaret Thatcher

"I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career." -- Gloria Steinem

"Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths." -- Baroness Edith Summerskill

"If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?" -- Linda Ellerbee

"Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry." -- Gloria Steinem

Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then." -- Katharine Hepburn