10 Reasons to Buy the Shark Steam Pocket Mop (as determined by a 6 year old)

There is nothing more entertaining than watching a young child get excited about something. It can be anything, a new toy, a funny joke or watching their mother slip on a wet floor and fall on her ass. The way they light up when they find something interesting and exciting is priceless. Lately my son Sebastian has been thrilled by a product that he see's on the television.

My eldest has always been an early riser. He usually gets up 30 minutes to an hour before I do. Now that he is 6 years old and has figured out how to work the remote (which is a tale for another entry) he comes downstairs and turns on the television. Over that last month or so he has been watching infomercials. His favorite infomercial is for the Shark Steam Pocket Mop. He watches it nearly every day and the minute I  step into the room he will have given me 10 reasons why I must get the steam pocket mop. So I would like to share with you his reasons for shelling out way too much money for a glorified swiffer sweeper.

10 Reasons to Buy the Shark Steam Pocket Mop (as determined by a 6 year old)

1. You don't need to use smelly stuff that can make you sick.
2. It really cleans and makes stuff less germy.
3. It dries fast so I can walk on the floor instead of waiting forever....sheessh...
4. It has three pads to clean the whole house, really you can keep changing them (great...)
5. It has a carpet glider to make the carpets fresh. It will get rid of the dogs smelly butt.
6. It is not heavy and you don't have to carry a big bowl of water and a stinky mop!
7. I can even use it ( be my guest dear...)
8. It has a really long cord, but be careful that you don't trip on it. Your kinda clumsy.
9. It would make cleaning the house easier and I know you don't like to clean much (gee thanks kid)
10. Mark (the guy selling this contraption) says I have to get it!

If you ask me they all seem like really good reasons to dish out $130 for a steaming sweeper. Sebastian's pitch was so good that I did in fact go out and buy one of these mops! I took him to Canadian Tire with me and let him pick one and pay for it. He promised me that he would help me clean the house if I let him use it. He stuck to his promise, once. I will say though that out of all the drivel that is sold on T.V. today, I do like this one. Not like the Slap Chop and Magic Bullet that my husband was conned into buying....Hey, have you noticed a theme here...the men in my life watch way too much television let alone infomercials. Also I can't help to notice that all the gadgets they want are all really for me to make my life easier (according to their logic). Wow! Do I wish they would invent the machine that would wash dishes, fold laundry and give foot massages easier for the husband!

I was Stumbling in my free time this morning when I came across Velina's Blog, with a most hilarious post.
I was close to tears from laughing while reading this, and actually understand just how the person in the letter felt. Give this a good read, especially you women out there. For you men, the letter is very educational!

Supposedly this is an actual email to the company of Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine hygiene products.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from 'the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?
As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer's monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the viole nt urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!
The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'
Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.
For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?
Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep.
Always. . .
Wendi Aarons
Austin , T X

Man vs Woman - Battle of the Sexes

I was Stumbling over the weekend while sipping my morning cup of coffee when I came across this article in Cosmopolitan about 21 Things Women Do Better Than Men. Good grief, as a woman I know I am better than a man!
Anyway, the whole thing was sparked by an article in AskMen about 10 Things Only Men Can Do. This whole good natured ribbing has inspired me to ponder the differences between men and women. I haven't too much time to dwell on it as I have children to care for,  mouths to feed, floors to wash, laundry to fold...well you get the picture, but here is my list.

10 Things I know I Do Better Than Men (yes you hubby)

• 1. Express our feelings. We are not afraid to cry, scream, stomp our feet if we want to be heard. As a woman I pride myself for being able to express my feelings (even if I seem childish or stark raving mad)
• 2. I can wear makeup and not look like a cross dresser. I can do up my hair, don my fanciest dress, wear high heals and perfume...and not offend anybody (unless my idea of dressing up resembles that of a street walkers attire)
• 3. Bodily fluids. That should need not much explanation, but here goes. As a woman and a mother, I can wade knee deep in puke, shit, snot, blood, rotting food, garbage pails all for the sake of my family. My husband gets sick if he has to change a poopy diaper, smells vomit and nearly faints at the sight of blood. We have a thick skin and high tolerance when it comes to bodily fluids and gross stuff.
• 4. I can go to the grocery store and buy what is on the list. Nothing less, nothing more. My husband will miss half of the crucial items and come home with chips, pop and an endless array of unwanted garbage.
• 5. Women can drink fruity drinks decorated with umbrellas and fruit without seeming less womanly. If a man orders a drink like that you can bet that the other chaps in the bar are laughing at him and speculating his sexuality.
• 6. PMS. While it is no picnic for the woman (or those closest to her), we can use our raging hormones as an excuse for bad behavior! If a man acts out by way of temper tantrums, crying and binge eating, people worry or think he is a big asshole!
• 7. Clean the house. When a woman cleans the home, she dusts everything, moves furniture, uses harsh chemicals, changes bed linens...the list goes on and on for day (maybe that is why I hate housework). When a man cleans house (yes hubby that is you) he puts away his socks, uses the clean tea towel for drying dishes to wipe down a greasy filthy counter, uses a dirty toilet brush on a dirty toilet without cleaning solution...eeewwww.
• 8. Bathe the children. My husband, rarely bathes the kids. But when he does, hair goes unwashed and my daughters privates are never looked at. There could be mushrooms growing down there and he wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole.
• 9. Multitask. While my husband does have a job that requires him to multitask, the minute he gets home his ability to do so disappears along with his ability to get himself a drink of water. As a mom I can have several things going on at the same time. I can have 3 meals cooking (I often do this...but that is a topic for another blog entry), talk on the phone with my mother, have laundry going, sweep the kitchen floor and check emails. 
• 10. Illness. When a woman is sick she has to buck up and deal with it, especially us mom's. If a mother is ill she still has to care for her family, as difficult as it may be. She will drag her but out of bed, aches, coughing, weezing, boogers and all, just to make sure that her son  has his snack for school and a spare change of clothes in case the get wet at recess. My husband would give the kid a stick of gum and wish him a great day. A Canadian study showed that women possess a sex hormone called estrogen that gives female immune systems an added edge when it comes to resisting infections. When a man gets sick, he acts and believes that he is on death's doorstep. The simple task of wiping ones own nose becomes as difficult as climbing Mt.Everest! This is likely the only time a woman will see a man cry.

What can you think of that woman can do better than men?