10 Secrets of Super Happy Couples......Really?

I have a subscription to Women's Health magazine. Every month I like to torture myself with useless information about losing weight, eating healthy and having great sex. Seriously, every single article is the same over every issue, just worded differently! Yet still I read this rag hoping to learn something new. I wait for that light bulb moment when I can say "That I can do!".

The latest issue of Women's Health magazine had an article in it that just rubbed me the wrong way. I could not help but read it and actually laugh out load all while belittling its author. No offense lady, but really....really? The article is 10 Secrets of Super Happy Couples.

Naturally being a married woman I read this article and immediately formed my own opinions. Join me in rehashing this morsel of stupidity and tell me your opinions!

1. Pretend You Just Met - "Whether you've been together for six months or six years, spend some time each day acting as if you just started dating".  My opinion: the dating days were not all that fun.  Why would I want to revisit them? They were filled with uncertainty and neediness and heart break. Sure the very first few months of a new relationship may be wrought with sexual tension and exploration, but that quickly fades then you find you really don't like that guy. If you do stay and decide you like him then that is awesome!  I was much happier and confident in my relationship after time passed. I figured that if he could tolerate me for this long , he must be a keeper. Then I relaxed and could be myself!

2. Limit Chick Flicks - "Romantic comedies can set up unreasonable expectations, which may lead to unnecessary suffering," says Sean Patrick Hatt, Ph.D., a psychologist in Seattle.  My opinion: No shit batman! Seriously who the hell calls  up a guy she just started dating to come over only to subject him to these sappy movies. If you think that you are feeding him ideas about how to be romantic and a good man, you are not. You would be better off showing  him super hero movies! If you are trying to get him in the mood rent porn. Chick flicks are just lame.

3. Be Beauty to His Beast - "Coupling up with an average Joe (with a beer belly) may be the key to long-term love"....My opinion:  Was I just told to find an ugly guy? Most men are average Joe's they just come in different shapes and sizes.  It shouldn't  matter if he looks like Brad Pitt and you look like a junkie street walking whore! If he likes you and you look like him all is good. Don't lower your expectations just because you thing you have a better chance at keeping a guy.

4. Control the Boozing - "Partyers may be more likely to have commitment issues to begin with, and once they couple up their bonds may be unstable."  My opinion:  I can actually agree with this. Back in my dating days I had a few booze fueled relationships that inevitably went nowhere. Looking back I realize that not one occasion went by where booze was not involved with some of these guys. I never had a chance to see the sober guy, maybe he would not have been so much fun, maybe he would not have slept with my friend if we weren't all drunk!

5. Hold a Grudge - "Provided that your partner is able to bounce back from spats, you'll experience greater satisfaction, even if you tend to stay P.O.'d".  My opinion: I just don't get this one. Seems rather conflicting from what most of us have been told about keeping relationships happy. "Never go to bed mad" we've been told. Isn't a grudge  just an extension of anger. So which is it, settle the dispute and let things go or hang on to it and poison the relationship. I guess it all depends on what the spat was about in the first place. If he left the cap off the toothpaste again...get over it. If  he gambled away the money for your mortgage hold a grudge!

6. Tweet Responsibly - "Avid tweeters tend to have shorter relationships".  My opinion: Another point that I  agree with (which came as a big surprise to me as I never agree with this stuff). Nothing pisses me off more that trying to hold a conversation with a person all while they keep glancing at their iPhone or ask me to wait while they quickly Tweet! My blood just boils. Another thing that I commonly see is that women often Tweet about their partner and sometimes they make their man look like total douche bags....just sayin'.

7. Don't Win an Oscar - "A Best Actress winner is 63 percent more likely to have her marriage end before her category mates do".  My opinion: WTF! Are you serious! If a man does not have enough self worth, self respect and self assurance to have a woman who may earn more money and be more successful than he is, then clearly that powerful woman should not be with that loser. This tidbit while at the very end says to "Encourage and celebrate each other's successes, big and small" is completely correct, it also dangerously implies that as a woman you should strive for mediocrity if you want to keep a man!


8. Burn Bras Together - "Women whose male partner is a feminist report better relationship quality". My opinion:  I am a touch old fashioned. I like my man to be a touch boarish. I don't want to be treated like crap, but I don't want him to be a  feminist pussy who's afraid to speak his mind for fear of offending the feminist me. I have no problem with a woman fighting for equality and rites, but when a feminist starts taking it to the extreme like bitching about terms such as "fireman" or "man hole cover" I don't respect them. Even worse is the wimpy guy standing right behind her agreeing with her stupidity. I think it should be a two way street, he should respect you as a woman and you should respect him as a man.
 
9. Nurture you friends Relationship - "Some people may see another's divorce as permission to change their own life,"  My opinion: Stay out of other peoples business. If your best friends marriage is on the rocks be supportive of her, but don't try to mend it! Just turn all of your good intentions onto your own relationship because that is the only one that matters. Often we become so wrapped up in other peoples problems that we neglect our own relationships.

10. Twist the Sheets at Least Once a Week- "Couples who like each other end up in bed more often."  My opinion: Oh how nice would that be. In order for this to happen though I would have to wake at 2 am and jump him. Sure sex is important to keeping a marriage strong and happy. But sometimes our expectations just do not meet the reality that is our life. Many couples find it difficult to make time for nookie when they have kids always buzzing around, work and household obligations to meet.  Often exhaustion trying to meet those needs sets in. Sometimes sacrificing 30 minutes of pleasure for 30  minutes of extra sleep is just way more appealing.

What are your secrets to staying a happy couple?

Excuses From a Lazy Blogger

I am back. Did you miss me? Did you even notice my absence from the blogosphere?  Frankly it has been a while since I last felt like I had anything worth posting! I have been in a rut lately in all of my creative outlets such as photography and writing. I just have not been that "into" it! But like any procrastinator or lazy bum out there I feel the need to come of with excuses for not having updated my blog in a while.
Let me share with you some very lame and careless reasons for not posting new blog entries!


1. Too Busy - I have been so very busy with the family and house that I have had little time for myself let alone writing a blog post. Actual reason - Lazy! I would rather Stumble or visit Facebook and troll about looking at old high school chums status and photos and laughing at them. The Young and The Restless is just more interesting than what I have to say.


2. Poor Timing - Often times when I think about updating my blog it is in the middle of the night. Sometimes I am startled out of my sleep by angry blog readers hunting me down looking for a new entry....(self important much?!). Rather than get out of bed and loose precious hours of slumber I choose to put of writing until the mood strikes again. Sometimes I think about blogging when I am sitting down to eat some ice cream and watch Oprah...really do you think I am going to give up that precious time to blab about how I am gaining weight. Shit...I just realized I may be gaining weight because of the mindless eating and inactivity....damn you Oprah and Pralines & Cream!

3. Research - I am doing research for my blog by reading countless other blogs! What that research is has yet to be determined, but be assured I am reading other blogs... then wishing that my blog was as good as some of the others out there. This then spirals out of control because I get down on myself for having a crappy blog and then I just want to give up. Then I find myself saying "No! You can do it! You ARE the best blogger out there! Keep up the hard work, just focus more and do your research!"...see, vicious cycle.

4.Writers Block - this is just another fancy term for I just have not put any thought into it. You can be the best writer or the worst, but you almost always have ideas to share and opinions to boast. If I took the time and just chose one topic to focus on then I am sure I would have plenty to say. I would likely be able to write several entries on one topic that I feel passionately about....hey maybe I'm on to something here....oh wait, I have to check the television to make sure I am not missing any good cooking shows, oh and I am feeling a bit tired right now, maybe I will just sit and stumble for a while....friggin' laziness!

5. Lack of Focus - out of all of my excuses this one is the most accurate and honest. Since I started my blog I feel as though I have lost my way. I try to think back to why I even started blogging. I have plans to discuss everything from parenthood, food and photography to travel. It is with this large scope that I overwhelmed myself. I realized that I was trying to pay too much attention to everything and as a result absolutely nothing was accomplished!  I need to narrow down..... Hey look! Something shiny!.... See, my focus is terrible!What I was trying to say is that I need to narrow down the niche of my blog.

In all they are pretty lame excuses for something known as Laziness! I really want to promise you that I won't disappear again, but honestly...I know I likely will. Unless this blog some how earns me the big bucks, I can't imagine putting countless minutes a day into it! I am not saying that I won't try, but maybe I need to fine tune my expectations. I should start by narrowing down the type of content I write about. I think I will let go of the dream of sharing photography tips and recipes on this blog ( save those for my other blogs - Cibo and Licini Photography) and just rant about being a woman who happens to be a crazed Mom and wife! Yeah, that's it! Half cracked wife and mother...something I certainly know a great deal about!

If I Had Super Powers

The 2010 fall television season has brought a new show that I have been enjoying quite a bit. I don't know what it is about the show that I like so much, I assume it is because I have always had a soft spot for Michael Chiklis, or that I like Julie Benz because she was on my favorite show Dexter. Or maybe because I wish I had super powers like the Powell family! But ABC's No Ordinary Family has become one of my guilty pleasures this year.

Generally speaking I do not enjoy shows about superheros but this one is done in such a light hearted manner that it appealed to me. The fact that this was an ordinary family until they were in a plane crash and came out unscathed with super powers really appeals to me. I wonder which super power I would like to have. Would I be greedy and want a whole array of powers? You bet your sweet ass I would! Here is my greedy list of super powers that I would like to have and why!

1. Telepathy -  ability to read the thoughts of and/or mentally communicate with someone. Like "Matt Parkman" of Heroes and "Daphne Powell" of No Ordinary Family,  I would want this power the most. I think being able to know what people are thinking could provide you with the most pwere. Just think about what you could do with this. You suspect your husband is cheating on you...read his mind, you will get the truth and be able to use the knowledge to  your advantage!

2. Mind Control - the ability to alter the perceptions of others; the general ability to control others actions with the mind. This would be super cool! Just imagine, your tired after a long day of doing nothing (after all you already used this power earlier in the day..) and you would like a nice meal cooked and served to you. All you have to do is plant the idea in your spouses mind, control them, have them do your bidding! Awesome I say!

3. Super Speed - ability to move faster than the speed of light! Really how useful would that be. Just think of all the things you could accomplish in a day and still have time to read peoples minds and control them. Damn! That would be really amazing! Oh how I wish I was like "Stephanie Powell" of No Ordinary Family or the Silver Surfer!

4. Omniscient - the ability to know everything and anything. Wow! Again this comes in handy when you are trying to control your husbands mind! Just a thought.

 

5. And last but not least Accelerated Healing - the ability to heal rapidly from injuries, illness and possibly slow the aging process! Hell yes! When your busy trying to rule the world with your mind control you don't have time to waste on being ill! And lets face it, the slower you age, the longer you will be able to rule the world!!


I am sure you agree that having  these powers would make me one heck of a super Mom! Or maybe like one of my personal favorite cartoon characters of all The Brain - I would be best equipped to RULE THE WORLD!! I'm just sayin'.

7 Things About This Goddess

I was having a relatively gray and bland day until I received an award from fellow blogger Sandbox Gems. Instantly I was lifted out of my funk and was encouraged to be creative. Along with being recognized by fellow bloggers as being versatile I am also encouraged to share 7 things about myself with the whole world. Nothing too shocking for sure, I am pretty vanilla.

1. My camera is my best friend. I would rather spend time with my camera and go about taking shots of what appeals to me than spend time with people (family excepted).

2. I am a foodie. Maybe not as hardcore as some out there, but I do spend a great deal of time pouring over cookbooks, visiting gourmet grocers and watching Food Network like it is the best channel around.

3. I have a cat and a dog that I love dearly. They are like my kids. I love them so much that I have created characters for them and voices as well. I imagine what they would say and say it for them in their own unique voice....now I will sit back and wait for the men in the white coats to show up at my door.

4. I can't get enough of those paranormal/ghost shows on television. I watch them all; Ghost Hunters and Paranormal State are to name but a few. I don't know if it is that I believe in all that stuff, I just like to sit back, feel a bit spooked and wonder if there really is something to all of the claims made on these shows.

5. I hate shopping for clothes. I am way too impatient to try the clothes on, I get frustrated when they don't fit me and just hate feeling fat when the store clerks are all 20 something bone racks.

6. If I had way too much money to burn, I would get plastic surgery. I am not a vain person by any means, but I would certainly go for a tummy tuck and lipo!

7. My favorite song of all time is Everlong by the Foo Fighters.

Now to share the love and a great award here are a list of bloggers that I feel deserve some recognition.

Mama's Losin' It! 

I'm Gonna Kill Him

Barefoot Foodie

AmateurSnapper

Tartelette

Designs By Amie

I'm Gonna Kill Him
Have a great day everyone and spread some love!

10 Reason Why I Love Fall

For as long as I can remember I have always loved fall. It is my favorite season. As the summer draws to an end I start to get excited about the new season that is just around the corner.  I compiled a list of my top then reasons for loving fall. What do you love about the autumn season?

10 Reasons Why I Love Fall

10. Pumpkin Pie! I don't need to say much about this fall time favorite except for YUMMY!

9. Scary Movies! I have always been a fan of horror movies and look forward to the autumn when a bunch of new scary flicks are released in theatres. I also enjoy viewing some of my old favorites like The Exorcist and Rosemary's Baby. As it gets closer to Halloween my hubby and I enjoy fright nights and watch spooky films, drink hot apple cider all under the glow of candle light! Love it!

8. New TV season. I look forward to the return of all of my favorite show come September. I find that watching the boob tube in the summer is just awful so welcome the much needed entertainment at the end of a long hard day.

7. Fall Colors. I absolutely love the color of the leaves in the autumn. The bright reds, oranges and yellows are so enticing. I find myself at least once every fall finding a big pile of leaves that I can just jump into and smell that sweet decay. It is also my favorite time of year to go for long drives in the country or walks in the forest.

6. Fall Harvest. I love to visit farmers markets this time of year. It is partly because I just love eating squash and corn and all of the other great bounty, but again I love to see the colors and textures of the harvest!

5. Thanksgiving! This is a great time of year to get together with your family; immediate and distant, and share in some great food and great times. It is also a cue for us in our household to start thinking about Christmas shopping!

4. I feel creative. For some reason all of the great colors, food and crisp cool air bring out the creative mom in me. I spend a great deal  of time taking walks with my camera, decorating for Halloween and coming up with fun costumes for the kids (and myself).

3. Halloween! This is one event that we love in our family. Hubby and I take it very seriously. We look forward to turning our front lawn into a graveyard, having Jack-o-lanterns all over the house, spooky music, candle light and so much more. We thrive on taking the kids trick or treating in our neighborhood; I guess it helps that the community as a whole gets right into the holiday as well. Best of all, hubby and I love to raid the kids candy bags once they have gone to bed. Chocolate for me, chips for hubby!

2. Cooler temperatures means more clothing! Yes! I look forward to this point in the year when summer has ended and the requirement to wear less clothing comes to an end. No longer do I have the shove my wobbly bits into tiny sundresses. No longer do I have to wear tanks that show the blubber on my arms. Goodbye shorts that display all the cottage cheese of my posterior. Hello jeans and warms knits, hooray for hoodies. The best part is that it is not so cold that you need to wear winter jackets, mits, hats and all that stuffy fashion that winter requires!

1. The number one reason for loving fall so much...pretty obvious to a lot of parents out there....BACK TO SCHOOL time for the ankle biters!!! Its the most wonderful time of the year!

A Child's 10 Commandments To Parents

This year the Ontario government introduced the full day  kindergarten program. Across the province about 600 schools are offering this new play based learning program to children entering junior and senior kindergarten. In the past the school that my children attend the program was daily for half day, which was perfectly fine for me and my little man (who is now in grade 1). I was torn about whether Gaby should attend full time JK in the fall. I felt she wasn't ready, that she was too young. Basically it all boiled down to this mother having a hard time letting go of her youngest child. I honestly felt as though the government was robbing me of my precious time with my daughter. I chose to be a SAHM so I could spend more time with my kids, then when the government designated our school as a full time kindergarten facility I was heartbroken.

Now that we are a couple of weeks into the new school year and my little angel seems to be getting along just fine I am slowly accepting the fact that my home is quiet and child free for 9 hours a day! What also made me feel better about handing my last born child over to the education system was this little paper that Gaby brought home from school the other day. I read it and tears welled up in my eyes but my heart filled with pride that my little girl is growing up and becoming a lovely, intelligent young lady.

A Child's 10 Commandments To Parents

1. Please don't expect Perfection. My hands are small. Whenever I make a bed, draw a picture or throw a ball it may not be perfect. My legs are short; please slow down so that I can keep up with you.

2. Let me Explore safely. My eyes have not seen the world as yours have; don't restrict me unnecessarily.

3. I am only little for a short time. Housework will always be there. Make time for me.

4. Explain things to me. Take time to explain things to me about this wonderful world and do so willingly.

5. My feelings are Tender. Please be sensitive to my needs; don't nag me all day long. Treat me as you would like to be treated. I will learn how to treat people from your example.

6. I am a special gift from God. Please treasure me a God intended you to do. Hold me accountable for my actions, give me guidelines to live by and discipline me in a loving manner.

7. Encourage me so I may grow. Please go easy on the criticism; remember, you can criticize the things I do without criticizing me.

8. Please, give me the freedom to make decisions concerning myself. Permit me to fail, so that I can learn from my mistakes. Then, someday, I will be prepared to make the kind of decisions life requires me to make.

9. Please don't do things over for me. Somehow that makes me feel that my efforts don't quite measure up to your expectations. I know it's hard, but please don't try to compare me with my brother or sister or other children.

10. Please love me unconditionally as I love you without any strings attached.

10 Reasons to Buy the Shark Steam Pocket Mop (as determined by a 6 year old)

There is nothing more entertaining than watching a young child get excited about something. It can be anything, a new toy, a funny joke or watching their mother slip on a wet floor and fall on her ass. The way they light up when they find something interesting and exciting is priceless. Lately my son Sebastian has been thrilled by a product that he see's on the television.

My eldest has always been an early riser. He usually gets up 30 minutes to an hour before I do. Now that he is 6 years old and has figured out how to work the remote (which is a tale for another entry) he comes downstairs and turns on the television. Over that last month or so he has been watching infomercials. His favorite infomercial is for the Shark Steam Pocket Mop. He watches it nearly every day and the minute I  step into the room he will have given me 10 reasons why I must get the steam pocket mop. So I would like to share with you his reasons for shelling out way too much money for a glorified swiffer sweeper.

10 Reasons to Buy the Shark Steam Pocket Mop (as determined by a 6 year old)

1. You don't need to use smelly stuff that can make you sick.
2. It really cleans and makes stuff less germy.
3. It dries fast so I can walk on the floor instead of waiting forever....sheessh...
4. It has three pads to clean the whole house, really you can keep changing them (great...)
5. It has a carpet glider to make the carpets fresh. It will get rid of the dogs smelly butt.
6. It is not heavy and you don't have to carry a big bowl of water and a stinky mop!
7. I can even use it ( be my guest dear...)
8. It has a really long cord, but be careful that you don't trip on it. Your kinda clumsy.
9. It would make cleaning the house easier and I know you don't like to clean much (gee thanks kid)
10. Mark (the guy selling this contraption) says I have to get it!

If you ask me they all seem like really good reasons to dish out $130 for a steaming sweeper. Sebastian's pitch was so good that I did in fact go out and buy one of these mops! I took him to Canadian Tire with me and let him pick one and pay for it. He promised me that he would help me clean the house if I let him use it. He stuck to his promise, once. I will say though that out of all the drivel that is sold on T.V. today, I do like this one. Not like the Slap Chop and Magic Bullet that my husband was conned into buying....Hey, have you noticed a theme here...the men in my life watch way too much television let alone infomercials. Also I can't help to notice that all the gadgets they want are all really for me to make my life easier (according to their logic). Wow! Do I wish they would invent the machine that would wash dishes, fold laundry and give foot massages easier for the husband!

10 Reasons to Call Off The Wedding

The Hubby and I were invited to a wedding that was to take place at the end of August. Today we received word that the wedding had been canceled. Everyone was shocked at first, but then the rumor mill started churning and shared their theories as to why the bride bumped the groom. "He slept with her sister", "She screwed the best man" or "He beat her". All very good reasons to call off the wedding.

The cancellation of what should have been this couples happiest day in their life turned into a bit of a circus. I must admit, that I too 'wondered' what went wrong. I then spent a little too much time thinking of reasons why I would have canceled my wedding. I had never really thought about it before, I never  had reason to. I guess if I decided to marry a different man that I may have found myself in a similar situation.

So another woman's pain resulted in this list that I compiled of reasons why I would cancel my wedding.

1. He starts wearing your fancy dresses and refers to  himself as Beth. At that point you should seriously consider whether your man wants to be your man.

2. Your man has more intimate time with himself than he does you. This is a good warning sign that your sex life may not be acceptable....or he is into himself way to much.

3. He spends way too much time playing fantasy games on the net. Seriously, if he thinks he is a dragon slayer, move away from  him!

4. Temper! Temper! If you find that your potential spouse has an explosive temper be cautious. Does he act out violently? Does he do crazy things when he is angry like driving recklessly and showing obvious signs of road rage? Does he rant and rave when his favorite team loses the game? Well, that guy needs to see a professional and learn to control his anger....you are not that professional, walk away.

5. Kills your self esteem. If you find that your man constantly puts you down from everything to  how you dress to the way you cook, you may want to put up your radar. Guys who feel the need to knock you down a notch or two very rarely will treat you with respect. You need to take control and put him in his place the first time he does this, if he does not like being told off then remember he is likely embarrassed of his manhood and you just don't need that bullshit.

6. Paranoia. Does he call you constantly throughout the day? Does he always question who you are with? Does he believe that the government is watching his every move? This is the kind of guy who will notice the type of mud on  your car and grill you about why you were in a location where mud like that could have got on your car. He will follow you, check your email and voicemail.  If your mates jealously and lack of trust are causing problems before you say I Do, then you need to evaluate whether losing your freedom and yourself are worth it.

7. He is a Mama's Boy. You know the guy, the one that needs to visit his Mommy daily. She still cooks for him and even does his laundry if you won't do it. This is also a double whammy because this guy will likely have a controlling mother and she likes that he still relies on her. Remember when you get married  you marry your spouses family as well. If this guy spends way too much time focusing on what his mommy wants and she calls your house daily to remind you of his favorite foods, I suggest you proceed with caution.

8. Cheater! If he has cheated on you once, it is very highly likely that he will do it again. If you forgave him for a past trist he will think that you are somewhat accepting and cool and try to repeat the bad behavior again. If the bugger screws another woman before you marry that should be your cue to walk away and not look back.

9. The very sight of him makes you ill! If the man that you once found so desirable, the man that made your heart beat faster, the guy who's smile you could not live without seeing daily starts to turn your stomach the minute he walks through the door, then you've got a problem!

10. He is unstable both emotionally and financially. Often these two issues go hand in hand. With some hard work and maybe a bit of luck, he can turn his financial instability around. But if he is just a lazy bastard who does not want to work and would rather sponge off of you then you have a problem. If he displays signs of being emotionally unstable such as being verbally or physically abusive walk away. Perhaps his problems are a little less severe, such as having a two way conversation with himself several times a day, he dresses his dog in a tuttu or thinks getting a tattoo on his face just like Mike Tyson, then he is a nut job. Cut your losses and save your sanity and bank account.

Marriage is a deep and binding contract that two people should not enter into lightly. You must both be ready to share every aspect of your lives together. Being married means loving your mate even if they are a bit odd. Trusting that his side glances at the blonde waitress will never amount to anything. Knowing that he will always put you first, respect you, understand you and be your best friend.